Intimacy, Longing, Musings, The Church

Are We Too Bored?

How precious is your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings. They feast on the abundance of your house, and you give them drink from the river of your delights. For with you is the fountain of life; in your light do we see light. (‭Psalm‬ ‭36‬:‭7-9‬ ESV)

An abundant feast? A river of delight? That sounds amazing to me! I don’t know about you but I sure would love to drink from a river of delights ….

Have we been way too bored with God? Why the dullness? Why the complacency? Why the halfheartedness? Why the slumber and why the apathy?

I honestly think we have been settling for far too little for far too long.

Intimacy, Longing

From The Bottom Of My Heart

To love You and to be loved by You. That’s all I want, really. At the end of a long day, I search my heart, and that is all I want. To love You and to be loved by You – this is my simple desire. 

In a sea of faces, my heart still longs for Yours. 

// As the deer pants for the water, my soul longs for You
As the body dies without water, my soul dies without You

Take me to the place where You satisfy, take me to the river
I’ll do anything, God; there is no price, take me to the river

They may say, “Come on, get over it, everything is okay”
They may say, “Why the hunger?
Why the thirsting? Why the mourning?”
But my soul cries, my soul cries

They may say, “Why the mourning?
Drink be merry, for tomorrow we die
Tomorrow we die”
That’s why I’d rather sit in the house of mourning
Than at the table with fools

My soul cries, my soul cries, my soul cries for You
All my tears You hold in a bottle; You will pour them out like rain
Weeping endures for the night, for the night
But joy comes in the morning, joy comes in the morning

Blessed are the hungry — You said it, I believe it
Blessed are the thirsty — You said it, I believe it
Hunger is my gift, thirst the evidence
That You are drawing me deeper, deeper still

Deep is calling out to deep is calling out to deep
Yesterday’s depth is feeling really shallow
I’ve gotta go deeper, deeper, deeper still
And all Your waves and all Your billows crash over me
Pulling me deeper still

As the deer pants for the water, my soul longs for You
As the body dies without water, my soul dies without You. //

Fear of God, Intimacy, Longing, Musings

I Dare to Call Him Father

Sometimes, I struggle to understand a God who is both Intimate Love and Holy Fear at the same time. My mind is so limited, my capacity for understanding is so small. There are times when I am so overwhelmed by holy reverence that I feel I am unable to come close to Him. He is truly the glorious One on the Throne, and it makes me tremble because I am but dust. Sometimes when I am overwhelmed by the fear of God, I lose sight of His love. I struggle to put two and two together. But He has shown me (and continues to show me) that though His wrath is real, it is not for me! His righteous fury and hatred of sin is frightening, but it is not for me! It is only when I lose sight of the work of Jesus on that cross that I lose sight of my right to come as close as I want to Him.

I was once far but now He has brought me near. Now I can boldly enter into the presence of the Holy One, and find a dear Father’s heart. What was in the Garden is now mine. 

How silly it is of me to stand far off when He has made a way for me to be near. How silly it is of me to try and enter a room I am already in. How silly it is for me to strive for something He has already given me. The nearness of God is for me. The tenderness of God is for me. My Father’s heart is for me. 

For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. (‭Galatians‬ ‭5‬:‭1‬ ESV)

I am not a slave. I am a child. His wrath is real but it is no longer for me. I refuse to submit to the heartbreaking yoke of slavery and religion. Boldly, I come.  

Destiny, Musings, Process, Purpose, Wilderness

Baby Steps

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit”; whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.” (James 4:13-15 NKJV)

Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. (Proverbs 19:21 ESV)

One day at a time. One step at a time. Stop rushing ahead, dear heart. Patience. He knows what He is doing.

Intimacy, Longing, Musings

Give Me Love

I wrote this a while ago when I couldn’t sleep. It was true then, and it is still true now. Half a year later, I am still discovering the depths of His love. I am still asking, “How wide? How deep? How far?” I want to know. More and more, I want to know.

// Early in the morning, I ponder again this question, “What does love look like?” It was first a beautiful song that caused me to question this for myself. I want to know for myself. I want to know it truly, not in the superficial way that many understand it to be. I want to know it in the depths of me, depths that no man has ever touched.

And so I ask Him over and over again, “What does love look like? Show me. Show me. I want to know. I need to know.” 

He keeps showing me Himself. That’s all He shows me. He doesn’t show me a man, a friend, He doesn’t even show me my family. All He does is show me Himself. It makes me cry. On one hand, I have tasted of so much of His love, a love so sweet it melts away all my fears. On the other hand, I still do not understand it fully. 

Is it a love that cradles me even at my ugliest? Is it a love that wraps itself around me in my shame and despair? Is it a love that runs after me even when I run away? What love is this?  

You see, it’s not that my head doesn’t know the answers to these questions. Of course we all know the answers. We hear about it, talk about it, read about it. 

But I am not content with just that. How I long to know this love far beyond the usual textbook answers. I long to have it permeate every fibre of my being, until it becomes all I know and all I breathe. I long for this love to go deeper, and deeper still. I long to know how wide, how deep and how great. 

How far can this love go? How far can it reach? What will it put up with? What can it withstand? 

I don’t think I know it completely yet. I’ve barely scratched the surface of it. 

And so I ask, over and over again, “Show me.” 

Intimacy, Longing, Musings, Prayer

Please Let Me See

The measure to which God reveals Himself is the measure to which we will be in love with Him. How can we love someone we do not know? We are so in need of the Spirit of wisdom and revelation. We grow dull, only because we do not see. We sink into the routines of religion, only because we do not see. We grow cold in love, only because we do not see. We must see. We must know. We must reach. We must pursue.

Only when we see Him and know Him can we love Him rightly. We can sit around and talk theology all we want, but if He does not reveal Himself, we are a people to be pitied…