Intimacy, Wilderness

I Am So In Need

A while back, I prayed for God to strip me and break me. Little did I know what I was asking for! There was a time when I was so puffed up and so full of myself. I thought I could earn His love. I thought I could work my way into His favor. I actually thought I had something to show of myself before Him. Gladly did He rush in to correct me and strip me of my self-sufficiency.

More than ever I am seeing how weak I am. I cannot walk this narrow road well by myself. My heart says yes and I am so in love, but my flesh is so frail. My heart is small, and so incapable of holding firm to any resolve. It does not help that the pretty things of this world loom at me from all directions, threatening to pull my heart away from the One I love. 

I cannot count how many times I have stumbled. I fall, and I come back. I fall again, and I come back again. One moment my heart surges with passion, the next moment I am blinded by dullness. I hate it! I hate the weak frame of my humanity. 

Yet in the light of my weakness, I am seeing how much more He is able to keep me. Today I was worshipping on the piano and this truth struck me so hard. His ability to keep me is greater than my inability to follow. His commitment to me is greater than my commitment to Him. He wants me more than I want Him. He is more faithful than I think. 

We don’t have anything to boast for before Him. Not our passion (for emotions rise and fall). Not our love (for it is small and weak). Not our grand works (for they are filthy rags). Nothing. We have nothing to offer Him but our weak “yes”. We can do nothing but cling. 

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