Intimacy, Longing, Musings

Give Me Love

I wrote this a while ago when I couldn’t sleep. It was true then, and it is still true now. Half a year later, I am still discovering the depths of His love. I am still asking, “How wide? How deep? How far?” I want to know. More and more, I want to know.

// Early in the morning, I ponder again this question, “What does love look like?” It was first a beautiful song that caused me to question this for myself. I want to know for myself. I want to know it truly, not in the superficial way that many understand it to be. I want to know it in the depths of me, depths that no man has ever touched.

And so I ask Him over and over again, “What does love look like? Show me. Show me. I want to know. I need to know.” 

He keeps showing me Himself. That’s all He shows me. He doesn’t show me a man, a friend, He doesn’t even show me my family. All He does is show me Himself. It makes me cry. On one hand, I have tasted of so much of His love, a love so sweet it melts away all my fears. On the other hand, I still do not understand it fully. 

Is it a love that cradles me even at my ugliest? Is it a love that wraps itself around me in my shame and despair? Is it a love that runs after me even when I run away? What love is this?  

You see, it’s not that my head doesn’t know the answers to these questions. Of course we all know the answers. We hear about it, talk about it, read about it. 

But I am not content with just that. How I long to know this love far beyond the usual textbook answers. I long to have it permeate every fibre of my being, until it becomes all I know and all I breathe. I long for this love to go deeper, and deeper still. I long to know how wide, how deep and how great. 

How far can this love go? How far can it reach? What will it put up with? What can it withstand? 

I don’t think I know it completely yet. I’ve barely scratched the surface of it. 

And so I ask, over and over again, “Show me.” 

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