This is not a new revelation but tonight I realized again just how much of a choice love and worship is. It is a decision we make, over and over again, irregardless of the emotions we feel. I cannot always see Him, the One with eyes like fire and hair like wool. There are some days when the shroud of normality and the blanket of mundaneness seem more real than the Burning One John wrote about in the book of Revelation.
But I think I struggle the most when my heart is tired. When my heart is tired and when my soul is weary, the last thing I feel like doing is declaring goodness when I don’t see it. When there is a gap between what I know and what I see, it is hard to believe. It is hard to face the void and to speak life into it. It is easier to curl up in a ball under my blanket and shut down, or to put on a senseless movie to numb the mind. It is easier to run around in circles distracting myself with a million and one things than it is to come vulnerable before God and sing.
But love chooses Him. Love sings to Him even in tiredness and weariness. Love chooses worship and love chooses praise. And I love Him.
There are days when His presence is closer than the skin on my bones. It is so easy to worship Him then because all I can see is glory. But there are also days when my heart hurts and all I know is the mundane. I know that one day, the curtain of eternity will open and I will see Him with unveiled eyes. But until then, in the dark night of faith, I will choose to worship. He is still beautiful and He is still worthy, even when I cannot see. And I will sing my love to Him, even if I have to wage a war within my will to do so.