Bridal Paradigm, Desire, Longing, Love, Prayer, Worship

Wildfire

When I peer into His heart, I don’t see a tame love. I don’t see a love that is quiet. I see a raging wildfire. His heart… it pulsates with holy desire, consuming all who dare come near. It is fearsome.

When He said love is as strong as death, as unyielding as the grave, I did not understand just how much at first. But oh! How I sought to grasp it! How I have longed with all my heart to understand this love. How I cried.

And He is beginning to answer.

When I see the wildfire heart of Jesus, my own weak one trembles. When my eyes are opened to see this beautiful burning One, I am brought into a crumpled sobbing heap on my knees.

More and more Lord. More and more, I want to see. Will You let the heat of Your heart touch mine? Will You grip me and cause me to burn? Will You allow me to peer into the wonderful mystery of You all the days of my life?

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Desire, Love, The Church, Worship

Let Us See

It is not hard to love Jesus. He is so beautiful, and one sight of Him would cause even the strongest man to crumble at his knees and collapse on the ground in tears. The natural response of the human heart to God is worship. It is not possible to look upon the glory of God and not want to give up everything to follow Him. When we find it difficult to love Him, it is only because we do not see. It is a revelation problem, not a worship problem. The more we see Jesus, the more we will love Him. The key to wholeheartedness and abandonment is sight. 

Every single time I encounter the Lord, the only word left on my lips is, “Worthy!” When I see Him, I want to give everything. I want to pour myself out until there is nothing left, and even then it is not enough. I want to give of my love until there is nothing left, and still I yearn to give Him more. I cry because what I have to give Him is so small compared to what He is worthy of. And then I collapse in a helpless burning lovesick pile at His feet, with my heart aching and yearning to give Him more, and more, and still more. 

The revelation of the beauty of Jesus will ALWAYS provoke such a response. 
The cry of one who has seen His face is not, “How much can I compromise and still be safe?” It is, “How abandoned will You let me be? How far will You let me go? How much will You let me give You? How deep in love will You let me go?” 

With all that we are, we need to cry out for sight. If we are ever going to be the Church that He desires, we need to cry out for sight.

… that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him. (‭Ephesians‬ ‭1‬:‭17‬ NKJV)

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Desire, Intimacy, Longing, Love, Musings, Worship

Restless

“You have formed us for Yourself, and our hearts are restless until they find rest in You.” – St Augustine

My heart aches for You. You are my only good and apart from Your presence, I know only emptiness. I can busy my hands with good works, but if the heat of Your heart does not touch my heart, I am no better off than a cold corpse. So is the drastic proclamation of my soul, yes, because I have known what it is to be alive. I have known what it is to have my heart burning from the inside out. How then am I to be content with anything less? How can I, once having tasted and seen, return to the void of before? I cannot. Try as I may, but I cannot. My heart is forever restless until it finds rest in You and I have become ruined for anything less than the fullness that comes to my soul from fellowshipping with God. In You my joy is complete and outside of You, my heart breaks with weariness.

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Love, Musings

Lessons From Noah

Love covers somebody’s weaknesses. Love does not point out a person’s nakedness, nor criticizes their flaws. Love does not tell it to others, nor makes fun of.

Our words and our actions carry a lot more weight than we realize. They carry the powerful ability to build somebody up or to tear them down. We must be careful never to expose and exploit somebody’s vulnerabilities – even when it is only in the name of “good fun” and “humor”. Coarse speech and crude joking seem acceptable and harmless (after all, everybody is doing it) but it is not the way of love.

It takes nothing to make fun of or criticize somebody. It takes love to believe in and call forth the best in somebody, even when you have seen their nakedness.

Love always covers. Love always provides a safe place. Just ask Noah.

Noah began to be a man of the soil, and he planted a vineyard. He drank of the wine and became drunk and lay uncovered in his tent. And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father and told his two brothers outside. Then Shem and Japheth took a garment, laid it on both their shoulders, and walked backward and covered the nakedness of their father. Their faces were turned backward, and they did not see their father’s nakedness. When Noah awoke from his wine and knew what his youngest son had done to him, he said, “Cursed be Canaan; a servant of servants shall he be to his brothers.” (Genesis 9:20-25 ESV)

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Musings, Worship

Of Weakness

I do not pretend to be strong, or to have it all together. I am weak and imperfect, and of this I am painfully aware of. Eloquent speech I do not have, nor do I possess the natural charm and charisma that exudes effortlessly for some. Left on my own, I have nothing much to show of myself. Not much talent, nor capability, nor strength, wisdom and awareness. If it is true that we have this treasure in jars of clay then perhaps I may be counted amongst the most fragile.

There was a time when I despised my helplessness and vulnerability. I wanted to be hard and strong. I wondered at the marvelous way some seemed to always hold it all together. So mighty. So admirable, so capable. Why was it the closer I walked with Him, the more stripped I felt? Why is my heart becoming more raw and vulnerable by the day? What has become of my security and my safety? How will I fend for myself? … And what then, do I have to offer?

I still do not understand. Most days, I still feel very weak and helpless.

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But oh, this I do have.
Real love.

So if I must remain broken, let me be broken at the feet of Jesus. If I must be weak, let me be weak, so He can be seen all the stronger. Let me get out of the way, so that Jesus may be put on display. Let all who look upon me see not me, for there is nothing much to see, but Him.

Let the perfume of this little broken life cause all to stop and stare upon the One whom it is being poured out like a sacrificial drink offering on.

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Prayer, Process, Wilderness

Cry of My Heart

“There’s a song that’s inside of my soul
It’s the one that I’ve tried to write over and over again
I’m awake in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over and over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You’re my only hope

Sing to me the song of the stars
Of Your galaxies dancing and laughing and laughing again
When it feels my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again

I give You my destiny
I’m giving You all of me
I want Your symphony singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs
I’m giving it back

And I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You’re my only hope”

If I must be broken, let me be broken at Your feet Jesus.

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Bridal Paradigm, Desire, Intimacy, Longing, Love, Musings

I Am Lovely

The Shulamite: I am dark, but lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, Like the tents of Kedar, Like the curtains of Solomon.
(Song of Solomon 1:5)

The Beloved: If you do not know, O fairest among women, Follow in the footsteps of the flock, And feed your little goats Beside the shepherds’ tents. (‭Song of Solomon‬ ‭1‬:‭8) 

The Shulamite woman is so painfully aware of her darkness. Out of the overflow of her insecure heart, her mouth speaks – and she calls herself dark.

But look! Immediately, in the next passage, her Beloved affirms her by calling her the “fairest among women”. He counters her insecurities by speaking over her words of healing and life. He sees beauty in her even when she is unable to see it herself. 

Instead of pointing out her obvious faults, he continues to affirm her throughout the remainder of the Song – prophetically calling forth the woman she was always meant to be. The love of this man aids in bringing wholeness and restoration to the Shulamite woman’s heart. He makes her feel safe by covering her weakness with his strength. His tender love brings healing to her heart. We see how this plays out in the remainder of the Song, with the Shulamite woman growing in confidence as she understands that his desire is for her, yes, even in her brokenness. She emerges from underneath her wall of fear and insecurity, and she grows into one mature in love, equally yoked with her Beloved. 

The love of a man is life-bringing in a special way to a woman’s heart. It is able to unlock things inside a woman and cause her to blossom beautifully. If the imperfect love of fallen man can bring this about, how much more can the perfect love of God heal and restore our hearts! 

When we begin to understand how God sees us, something will unlock inside us. He does not despise us in our darkness, and He does not shame our frail offerings of love. He loves the one who is broken and contrite in heart. He looks upon the (sincere) struggling believer with such tender eyes. The more we understand this the more confident we can be before Him. 

What is it to be covered and protected? What does it feel like to be cherished, even in our weakness? What does it feel like to be loved unconditionally, and to be wanted even in our brokenness? What is it like to be pursued and to be seen as lovely and beautiful? So much healing comes. His love is able to do all these things and more. 

No longer will our faces be clouded by shame. No longer will we beat ourselves up in insecurity. When we understand that His desire is for us, something will settle inside of our hearts. His love causes our hearts to be still, and finally, we can rest. 

We can say confidently, “Dark am I, but I am lovely to Him.” 

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