I am so content. I mean that, I really do. The burdens and aches that I’ve carried and fretted over for the longest time have all but rolled off my shoulders. I love where I am at and I don’t think I’ve ever been more satisfied. The past is behind me, and I care not for peering too much into the future either. And let me tell you, it is the most freeing thing in the world.
The problem I had for the longest time is that I lived for the future. Isn’t that the funny thing about the prophetic sometimes? I lived for every promise God gave me (and believe me, He has given me a lot, more than what I feel I am even able to handle), so much so that I missed everything that was right here in the now. I glanced past the goodness around me and missed out on so much simply because I could not stop myself from yearning for all these things that hadn’t even come to pass.
I had also let the mistakes and the circumstances of my past keep my heart bound up in so much pain. I would lie in bed awake at night, playing these things through in my head, wishing I had done so much differently. Wishing I had known then what I know now because I almost lost myself. Sometimes we only learn the hard way, but still, I have paid a lot of high prices over the last few years – and O how I ache for all that has been stolen from me.
No more. What’s past is past and this is where I will draw the line. What’s coming will also come but this too is where I will draw my line.
Because for the first time in a long long time, things around me (and inside me) are falling into place and I couldn’t be happier.
Right here. Right now. Isn’t that all I have anyway?
I will not apologize for loving my life because I’ve been through hell and back to get to where I am. So please, let me live it.