Bridal Paradigm, Consecration, Desire, Fear of God, Love

My Jealous Lover 

4 years ago, in the thick of depression, I believed God didn’t love me. I believed that He loved mankind as a whole but me? Not me. Not if He would allow me such pain. I remember crying to an aunty from church and asking her if she believed God loved her. She said yes; with all her heart she did. And I was dumbfounded, I couldn’t understand. 

But today I can say too with all my heart that I believe God loves me. He loves me fiercely, relentlessly, like a wave that crashes over and over again. He doesn’t stop, He fights to the end, burning all that stands in the way. His eyes ablaze with fire – a jealous Lover whose heart is set only on one thing – me. 

How pale these afflictions seem in the light of this glorious wonder. I can withstand anything. 

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Bridal Paradigm, Eschatology, Eternity, Forerunner Message, Longing, The Church, Worship

And This Is Eternal Life

Every time I’m in a congregation and we stand as one to worship Jesus together, my heart is so moved. What will it be like on that day when we stand on that sea of glass gazing upon the Lamb of God with unveiled eyes? We will see Him as He is and we will behold the pure unadulterated glory shining from His beautiful face. Can you imagine the love that will swell up in our hearts? The worship that will pour forth from our lips?

He is worthy and He is beautiful – I know that even now though I see through a dim glass. My heart bursts and overflows with worship, though I am separated from Him by the veil of eternity. What will happen when the curtain of time is finally removed?

That is eternal life! That we may know Him, behold Him, love Him and be with Him forevermore. It is all I am longing for here on this side of time. And here in the waiting, as I ache and yearn for His returning, let me be found standing amongst the congregation of the righteous, with heaven’s praises always on my lips.

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Bridal Paradigm, Love, The Church

Loving the Church

“O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, In the secret places of the cliff, Let me see your face, Let me hear your voice; For your voice is sweet, And your face is lovely.” (‭Song of Solomon‬ ‭2‬:‭14‬ NKJV)

My heart fills with delight when I see people, young and old, sing to Him and encounter Him. I love to see the divine exchange take place between God and man. I love the context of the local church, because it creates a space for people from all walks of life to come and encounter His heart. It seems weak to the natural eye, but the Church has always been His chosen vessel. She may be flawed, but He loves to reveal Himself as glorious through the weak things.

Jesus loves His Church, and I do too.

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Bridal Paradigm, Desire, Longing, Love, Prayer, Worship

Wildfire

When I peer into His heart, I don’t see a tame love. I don’t see a love that is quiet. I see a raging wildfire. His heart… it pulsates with holy desire, consuming all who dare come near. It is fearsome.

When He said love is as strong as death, as unyielding as the grave, I did not understand just how much at first. But oh! How I sought to grasp it! How I have longed with all my heart to understand this love. How I cried.

And He is beginning to answer.

When I see the wildfire heart of Jesus, my own weak one trembles. When my eyes are opened to see this beautiful burning One, I am brought into a crumpled sobbing heap on my knees.

More and more Lord. More and more, I want to see. Will You let the heat of Your heart touch mine? Will You grip me and cause me to burn? Will You allow me to peer into the wonderful mystery of You all the days of my life?

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Bridal Paradigm, Desire, Intimacy, Longing, Love, Musings

I Am Lovely

The Shulamite: I am dark, but lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, Like the tents of Kedar, Like the curtains of Solomon.
(Song of Solomon 1:5)

The Beloved: If you do not know, O fairest among women, Follow in the footsteps of the flock, And feed your little goats Beside the shepherds’ tents. (‭Song of Solomon‬ ‭1‬:‭8) 

The Shulamite woman is so painfully aware of her darkness. Out of the overflow of her insecure heart, her mouth speaks – and she calls herself dark.

But look! Immediately, in the next passage, her Beloved affirms her by calling her the “fairest among women”. He counters her insecurities by speaking over her words of healing and life. He sees beauty in her even when she is unable to see it herself. 

Instead of pointing out her obvious faults, he continues to affirm her throughout the remainder of the Song – prophetically calling forth the woman she was always meant to be. The love of this man aids in bringing wholeness and restoration to the Shulamite woman’s heart. He makes her feel safe by covering her weakness with his strength. His tender love brings healing to her heart. We see how this plays out in the remainder of the Song, with the Shulamite woman growing in confidence as she understands that his desire is for her, yes, even in her brokenness. She emerges from underneath her wall of fear and insecurity, and she grows into one mature in love, equally yoked with her Beloved. 

The love of a man is life-bringing in a special way to a woman’s heart. It is able to unlock things inside a woman and cause her to blossom beautifully. If the imperfect love of fallen man can bring this about, how much more can the perfect love of God heal and restore our hearts! 

When we begin to understand how God sees us, something will unlock inside us. He does not despise us in our darkness, and He does not shame our frail offerings of love. He loves the one who is broken and contrite in heart. He looks upon the (sincere) struggling believer with such tender eyes. The more we understand this the more confident we can be before Him. 

What is it to be covered and protected? What does it feel like to be cherished, even in our weakness? What does it feel like to be loved unconditionally, and to be wanted even in our brokenness? What is it like to be pursued and to be seen as lovely and beautiful? So much healing comes. His love is able to do all these things and more. 

No longer will our faces be clouded by shame. No longer will we beat ourselves up in insecurity. When we understand that His desire is for us, something will settle inside of our hearts. His love causes our hearts to be still, and finally, we can rest. 

We can say confidently, “Dark am I, but I am lovely to Him.” 

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Bridal Paradigm, Consecration, Desire, Forerunner Message, Intimacy, Longing, Love, Worship

It Is Not Foolishness

And when Jesus was in Bethany at the house of Simon the leper, a woman came to Him having an alabaster flask of very costly fragrant oil, and she poured it on His head as He sat at the table. But when His disciples saw it, they were indignant, saying, “Why this waste? For this fragrant oil might have been sold for much and given to the poor.” But when Jesus was aware of it, He said to them, “Why do you trouble the woman? For she has done a good work for Me. (Matthew 26:6-10 NKJV)

Extravagant devotion is offensive, and it often provokes a reaction in those who see it.

“What a waste!”
“Do something more useful with your life.”
“Foolish girl.”
“Be more practical.”

Basically, “Love God, but not too much.”

But if there is one thing I know, the life poured out in love at His feet is not a wasted life. If the perfume of my life and the sacrifices of my broken heart moves Jesus, then it is not foolishness. Stupid it may seem in the eyes of man, impractical it may seem, but He calls it beautiful.

Just like Mary, I will live my life to lavish my love on Him. Whatever it looks like, whatever costly decisions it will lead me to make, I want my life to be one that is completely broken in love at His feet.

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Bridal Paradigm, Intimacy, Love, Worship

The Fragrance of True Worship

When Mary broke her alabaster jar, the fragrance of the costly perfume filled the entire room. All who were present could smell it. 

In the same way, there is a beautiful fragrance that arises from the worship of the one who is broken in love at His feet. It is impossible not to recognize. 

The worship offering that is genuine, and more than that, sacrificial, carries with it fragrance and life. Let our worship be more than empty songs and clanging cymbals. Let our ministry to the heart of Jesus be like fragrant incense, arising from the depths of our very being. He is worthy of the most costly perfume, and the sweetest heart sacrifice. 

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