you lay in hazy golden sunlight
– so tender and sweet as you sleep.
(i once dreamed of a moment like this.)
at the sight of you,
my soft and withered heart heals.
// written this morning before he stirred awake.
I’ve always loved the story of Mary and her alabaster jar. Withholding nothing she broke her most precious treasure and poured it all out upon the feet of the One she loved.
Do you know how you have come face to face with the presence of God? It is when the only response that remains is the burning desire to pour all of yourself out before Him. To give and give and give of every last drop of your soul until there is absolutely nothing left.
More than just emotion, more than just fleeting feelings, the Holy Spirit quickens us out of our natural apathy and selfishness as we behold the face of One so worthy that we cannot help but to desperately fall at His feet and freely give our all.
“I want to be Yours. Please, only let me be Yours.” This is the heart wrenching cry that rings through the chambers of my dry and dusty soul when His presence sweeps over my heart like a fiery wind.
To be fully given to the One who has given it all to be near to us. To yield and surrender into perfect oneness. To love, not just in parts but in complete and utter entirety. This – this is the sweetest fragrance of worship.
“… And you shall love the Lord Jehovah your God with your whole heart and with your entire soul and with your entire mind and with all your power.” Mark 12:30
How do I praise You in my brokenness? How do I give You what You are worthy of when I am only half full? How do I sing, even in my pain, fear and mistrust?
Bring me back to that place where I could come to You in abandonment. Take me back to when love was simple. Take me back to when trust did not have to make sense.
I want to sing again. I want to love well again.
Maybe destiny isn’t so much a place we are going to, nor a task we will set out to do – but more of the person we will become through it all.
Every fire, every trial, every form of testing refines our hearts in meekness, faithfulness and humility before God – if we respond rightly.
And every joy, every victory, every single fight won molds our hearts in understanding of His nature – that we may delight to love Him more.
I think destiny is the complete fullness of a heartbeat thriving in oneness with Jesus – that having done all we may stand, and stand victorious before the One we know and love.
– pilgrim on a journey home.
When my soul begins to despair within me, I turn to the Author of life and ask Him to fill my being. Lift up your head Isabel. There is One who can calm the seas within you. He hears your every cry and He will be so faithful to carry you. When you are dry and weary, run to Him – He satisfies, He really really does.
Your arms enfold me, till I am only
A child of God.
I was in a train thinking today – how nothing worth having ever comes easy.
There are some people you come across – men and women of God who love Jesus dearly and it is so evident. You cannot fake love. Pure love is written all over their faces. It is in the sweet and unique fragrance that the worship of their lives release. It is in fire of their eyes and the weight of their words when they speak of Him. People look at all these things and they marvel at it. But they know not the struggles and battles fought in private. They do not see the countless tears shed. There is a great price to pay to know the nearness of Jesus. His heart is one that burns with an all consuming fire and the one who wants to be near Him must walk through this fire of burning. It is the death of self, the labor of prayer. The surrendering of the heart, the refining of soul, the sacrifice of holiness. The travail mourning and the deep aching hunger for more.
It is a painful road that few understand and even fewer dare to take.
Of course one can simply go to church on Sundays and highlight a few verses, read a few books. Anyone can do that, it is not hard. Anyone can love Jesus from afar. It is easy. But it takes real courage to pay the price of burning that authentic face to face intimacy with God requires. This is more than mere obedience or a good Christian show. This is the gut wrenching heart cry of the one who will not settle for anything less.
This fire I talk of – it is painful, but it is sweet. Difficult as this road is, there is a deep satisfaction in living for something greater than yourself… It is what we were made for and the only thing that will make our dull sorrowful hearts come alive.
It is this Love that caused the saints of old go to their deathbeds singing and worshipping. Their eyes were lifted to heaven and their hearts were aflame with passion for the Lord they loved more than life itself. Oh how I want it.. How I desire a love for Jesus so great that it changes all I know and shakes the very foundation on which I walk. Is He not worthy of this kind of love? Is He not worthy of all I have to give, and yet still more?
If the fire leads me to You, I want to walk through it even when it hurts. If it takes the burning for me to be completely one with You, do it Lord. Burn my heart and let it be fully Yours.