Love

Dignity 

It took me several heartbreaks to finally understand that fighting for love and fighting to be loved were two profoundly different things. Fighting for love is always good, but there is absolutely nothing heroic about the latter. It is not romantic to convince somebody to love you. 

I beseech you women, if you ever find yourself pleading for a man to choose you, if you ever find yourself trying to change who you are in order to fit what he wanted, to be prettier, quieter… lesser – turn around and leave. Leave and never look back. 

“What are you, fire refusing to be named? I will tell you what you are not.

You are not an afterthought. You are not a magic lamp whose only purpose is to fulfill the desires of another. You are not an oracle or a muse that can be used, exhausted, tapped dry & left convulsing on a mountaintop. You are not a lonely night or a place to hide secrets when no one else is watching. You are not a bodiless voice that whispers comfort to the demons of desperate men, not a vessel from which they can thieve their vitality..

& my God, you are certainly not a second choice.” // Amanda Torroni 

Please know when to stay, and when to walk away. Sometimes the line is so thin, and sometimes it takes more than a little while, but you must know it. 

– lessons learnt a very hard way.

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Consecration, Destiny, Eternity, Process, Purpose, The Voyage

This is not in vain // An exhortation 

Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory. – 2 Corinthians‬ ‭4:16-17‬ ‭

Don’t give up now, your life has barely just begun. These few short years are but a drop in the bucket of eternity. Our momentary troubles are refining in us real gold – gold of infinite worth that we will only truly see in eternity. 

It’s not in vain, none of this is in vain. Yield, surrender, keep trusting, keep going. Find yourself, again and again at the feet of Jesus. It is the only way to live. It is the only true life there is. 

One day with unveiled eyes we will see all we have built through the foundations of meekness and trust. We will enter into His presence with our heads held high, absolutely victorious in love. We will, with exceeding joy, receive the great reward of our faith – the delight of Jesus Himself. This is the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. This is where all of this is going. 

We must, with diligence, set our eyes on this vision over and over again. Eternity has been written on our hearts for this very reason. To show us where we are going, that we may not lose heart. 

There is a reward waiting for the faithful. 

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Destiny, Musings, Process, The Voyage, Wilderness

Musings of a Wandering Pilgrim

Some nights I wonder if I made bed in the right city. There was once a call I heard. I was so sure of it. In the depths of His presence I saw as clear as day. But it was too big, too impossible. Me? I thought. Who am I? I’m nobody. It can’t be. So I asked for a sign. I asked to be shown. I asked to see what I already knew. How I needed it because I was so afraid. I didn’t believe it could be for me. 

I waited and waited. For so long, I waited. But nothing ever happened, so one day I stopped waiting. 

Did I miss out? I don’t know. But all this time, I just did the best I knew how to. I’ve always done my best. And in the waiting, I lived my life. I’ve made many mistakes along the way, more than I dare to confess. But I’ve also built good things. Wonderful things. Are they God-things? Maybe. Maybe not. He’s been with me all the way though, this I know. And most days that’s been enough to keep me going. 

Still, I ponder on all the things that could have turned out differently, had I not asked to be met halfway. Had I not waited. Had I been less afraid. Had I just jumped. Am I a fool? Maybe. Am I too far gone? Did I miss out? I don’t know. Am I lost? Yes most days I still do feel lost. As if I’m running in circles but coming up short every time. The saddest part is that I once saw it all so clearly. But now it just feels like a distant reality. I feel so far from all He once sung over me. Now I’m not sure if there is even a place for me to go back to anymore.

I asked to be led – but here I am today. 

I try not to ask too many questions anymore because having them unanswered is just too confusing. Everyday I just put one foot in front of the other and hope for the best. What else can I do? I don’t know what else to do. 

Please don’t leave me behind. 

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