“You’ve changed,” she said.
Pain does that. Time, too.
“Are you proud of it?”
Of course. Of course I am. I’ve fought so hard to grow into every single inch of this new skin. To hold my head up high every single day and carry on.
I’m no longer the same person I used to be. The things that used to tug at my heart with desire seem so meaningless to me now. I no longer dream the same dreams. I want different things now. Value different things. Crave different things.
Is this the hardness of my heart speaking? Or have I just grown up?
The days crawl by so slow but one day you wake up and it’s June already. Time oh time, where did you go from me? I fear reaching the end of this year and realizing nothing’s changed at all. I’m tired of running around in circles and coming up short every time.
Please, there must be more than this.
Isn’t it crazy? How things change so quickly. A year ago everything was different. Yet those memories etch themselves so vivid in my mind; replaying as clear as the daylight sun. I have this knack of remembering it all – the important bits anyway. Of holding on to memories for far longer than I should too, both the good and bad.
Touch. Scent. Electric emotion. I can, at will, in any instant, remember it all so real as if it were happening to me all over again.
A year from now, nothing will be the same either. I don’t know if that excites me or terrifies me. If there is an art of living in the present, I am still learning it. But what I do know is you have to look. Look before it all changes. Before it’s all gone.