Consecration, Destiny, Musings, Pain, Process, Trials, Wilderness

The Wayward Dancer

Here. Here am I in my entirety, the fullness of my contradiction in my body entirely, the beauty of affliction in my members for what seems like an eternity. What about me and my affliction causes me to call it beauty? I am an enigma to the worlds society; condemned by one, redeemed by another. Through the hail and the storm my body pushes on, not of its own accord but because of what my hope is leant on. I am not my own yet here am I, The Wayward Dancer. Here am I with this sinful cancer, it breathes, it bleeds, it spreads, but only when my eyes are on its master. To turn from my afflicted norm, to deny myself and push through the storm… is what some call suicide, to coincide with the reasoning of flesh and desires of a dead man gone.

But this I will decide. Each and every day of my last and never longing breath, to pick up my past and cast it aside for it is trash – it is the dead man. What I have done and where I have gone does not effect the transgression that is my beautiful affliction. And now to give answer to my self proclaimed title and to my Hope that does not tarry nor wander as my soul might search the sea and it’s ever desiring depths.

I am a man living not of my own accord. A will I have, but have laid it down, this I did today, just this past Morn. Yet again I shall choose, and yet again shall I deny my flesh so that I do not succumb to the numb that eats away. I shall put off self and be clothed in light. I shall walk the treacherous path and with feet soaked in blood I will walk. My road is not an easy one and though I look like one with a debt to death and suicide, I am not and I have none. No debt except to the One who lived and died and rose again.

I am not my own save the day I choose to be. I have surrendered all but my name to Thee who died for me. “He Giveth and He Taketh away.” Or so some say. Yet, are not all His to give and to take as He pleases? A sense of entitlement is quickly squashed as one wanders further down this track of enquirement.

As I meander, as I stride, as I climb, as I suffer, as I run, as I walk, as I scream and yell and tear my way through this dream that breathes in glory inspired by love, I find myself in a place of anxiousness and peace.

Peace because I know this universal expanse is not at my disposal to command or dictate, so my fate is safe not with me but my Lover. And anxious because I am finite and know not always whether I should have turned to the left when I turned to the right or if I should have turned to the right when I turned to the left.

My heart aches but it is being restored. I am new, I am whole. I am noone’s but only one does truly know me.

He knows. He sees. He loves.

On these things I stake my life and my plea.

Oh Father would You meet with me..

Daniel Moreira

Advertisements
Standard
Bridal Paradigm, Consecration, Destiny, Eschatology, Eternity, Forerunner Message, Longing, Love, The Church, Wilderness

You Will Have Your Bride

We must understand that He wants us so much more than we will ever want Him. What we feel for Him is a mere flicker of a flame compared to how His heart burns for us. His zeal for us is far more consuming than ours will ever be for Him, yes, even during the heights of passion when we are declaring our vows with tears streaming down our faces.

Know that His faithfulness towards us is far greater than our faithfulness towards Him. Our grip is feeble, but His is not. We are so weak, but He is strong, and He is able to keep us.

All that the Father gives Me will come to Me, and the one who comes to Me I will by no means cast out. This is the will of the Father who sent Me, that of all He has given Me I should lose nothing, but should raise it up at the last day. (John 6:37, 39 NKJV)

He wants us. He has been waiting for His Bride since eternity’s past, and He WILL have what He has set out to possess. The fiery promise He has made to us is that He will be faithful to complete the good work He started.

If we will not harden our hearts towards Him, He will keep us to the end. In that day we will stand before Him, and it will be the gladness of His heart. That glorious day is everything He has desired for with an all consuming jealousy, everything all of heaven has been holding its breath for, and everything the entire creation has been groaning for.

Jesus will have His Bride.

Standard
Bridal Paradigm, Intimacy, Longing, Love, Musings, The Church

Romance, Part of a Bigger Tapestry

This week I am diving deep into the Song of Solomon. I love seeing the heart of God revealed between the two lovers.

I once asked myself, “Why romance? Why marriage? Why is it necessary?” I’ve since realized my answer. Romance is part of a bigger tapestry. It reveals a glimpse of the bigger love story we are caught up in, one that shouts all across the universe, and one sometimes so incomprehensible that we cannot understand it unless it is revealed to us in the more obvious details of everyday life. And that is where romance and relationship comes in. The heart of it all is the same. Human love reflects divine love. The heart’s response to affection reflects the design that we were created for a bigger love. How a man pursues reveals how God pursues. How a woman’s beauty captivates reveals the nature of His beauty to draw us in. Sacrifice and compromise and fighting for love reveal to us the underlying undying nature of perfected love – a love that lasts. Perhaps romance and, eventually, mature love, is the greatest gift He gives to us to help us understand His love for us – and to understand how we are to respond to such a love.

Standard
Musings, Process

Unanswered Prayers

Looking back, I am so grateful God never answered some of the things I prayed the hardest for. We always think we know what is good for ourselves, but truth be told, we really don’t. We think we know what we want, but what we want could actually turn out to be completely terrible for us. Some of my greatest disappointments and unanswered prayers have turned out to be the most amazing protection I’ve ever received. I shudder to think of what would have become of my life if He had given me the things I wanted when I so foolishly wanted them. He protects me, He blesses me, and He redirects me, even when I cannot see or understand it at the time. I am so glad He knows better than me.

It’s the sweetest thing to trust Him.

Standard
Eschatology, Eternity, Longing

For This I Will Wait

“We sing to the Jewish Man, who’s forevermore our King. Glory to the Son of David, out of Zion He shall reign.”

The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in the land of the shadow of death, upon them a light has shined.

For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given; and the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of His government and peace there will be no end, upon the throne of David and over His kingdom, to order it and establish it with judgment and justice from that time forward, even forever.

The zeal of the LORD of hosts will perform this. (Isaiah 9:2, 6-7 NKJV)

This is who I am living for, and this is what I am waiting for. My beautiful Jewish King is returning.

Standard
Intimacy, Longing

From The Bottom Of My Heart

To love You and to be loved by You. That’s all I want, really. At the end of a long day, I search my heart, and that is all I want. To love You and to be loved by You – this is my simple desire. 

In a sea of faces, my heart still longs for Yours. 


// As the deer pants for the water, my soul longs for You
As the body dies without water, my soul dies without You

Take me to the place where You satisfy, take me to the river
I’ll do anything, God; there is no price, take me to the river

They may say, “Come on, get over it, everything is okay”
They may say, “Why the hunger?
Why the thirsting? Why the mourning?”
But my soul cries, my soul cries

They may say, “Why the mourning?
Drink be merry, for tomorrow we die
Tomorrow we die”
That’s why I’d rather sit in the house of mourning
Than at the table with fools

My soul cries, my soul cries, my soul cries for You
All my tears You hold in a bottle; You will pour them out like rain
Weeping endures for the night, for the night
But joy comes in the morning, joy comes in the morning

Blessed are the hungry — You said it, I believe it
Blessed are the thirsty — You said it, I believe it
Hunger is my gift, thirst the evidence
That You are drawing me deeper, deeper still

Deep is calling out to deep is calling out to deep
Yesterday’s depth is feeling really shallow
I’ve gotta go deeper, deeper, deeper still
And all Your waves and all Your billows crash over me
Pulling me deeper still

As the deer pants for the water, my soul longs for You
As the body dies without water, my soul dies without You. //

Standard