Intimacy, Love, Musings, Pain, Process, Purpose, Trials, Wilderness

Year In Review

I’m so thankful for all 2014 has brought. It’s been quiet on the outside, but everything’s changed inside my heart. There’s something about journeying through the processes of life with God that brings about a deep trust and communion that wouldn’t have come about otherwise. It is true, He brings us into deep waters not to drown us but to cleanse us and to draw us closer into His heart.

I’m so excited for the new things 2015 has in store! I’m not afraid when He is by my side. I can trust the One who holds my heart, my life, and everything else in between. He’s walked me through the darkest valleys and through the most joyful mountaintops, and He will walk me through everything else that comes my way in 2015 – good and bad.

Lord, I’ll trust You and I’ll surrender, every step of the way. My life is not my own, and am I ever so glad for it.

Longing, Prayer, Purpose, The Church

The Beauty Of The Lord

Day and night
Night and day 
Let incense rise 
You are worthy of it all

This is the anthem of my heart. My eyes have seen the beauty and the worthiness of God, and He has wrecked me for anything less. How I long for the day when these words are more than a song sung in church. How I long for the day when unceasing worship and adoration becomes a reality, yes, even on this side of eternity. How I long for the day when He finally has a resting place in our midst, when His presence comes, and covers, and STAYS – because we, His people, have chosen to draw near and finally build Him the altars He deserves. 

“Surely I will not go into the chamber of my house, Or go up to the comfort of my bed; I will not give sleep to my eyes Or slumber to my eyelids, Until I find a place for the LORD, A dwelling place for the Mighty One of Jacob.” (‭Psalms‬ ‭132‬:‭3-5‬ NKJV)

David saw. Let this generation see too. Let false altars be torn down, and true ones built. He is so, so worthy. Words fail.

Grace, Intimacy, Longing, Musings, Pain, Process, Wilderness

Riding the Lows

It is easy to love God when you are in a room full of people passionately pursuing Him with you. It is easy to love Him after a big conference. It is easy to love Him when your heart is so full and when His presence is more tangible than the ground you stand on. It is easy when He comes and fuels your zeal, and when He causes your heart to burn with frightening intensity. Yes, I know the highs, and I love the highs. 

But He is teaching me to ride the lows as well. He is teaching me to love Him and to reach out to Him in the day to day mundaneness of life. It still isn’t easy. It never is. I struggle so hard to love when I cannot see, to press on when I cannot feel. Life gets so noisy, and I have to fight with all my might to keep my eyes focused and my heart turned towards the One I love so dearly. Sometimes I feel so weak and so incapable that I cry and cry. I cry at my inability to give Him what He deserves. I yearn to give Him so much, but I fall short and it makes me so heartbroken. 

Lately, the comforting blanket of His presence has been coming to cover me. It is like refreshing rain to my dry and barren soul. In those short moments, He tells me, “I am here. I am always here. Look at Me, just look at Me.” I cling on to these precious moments for dear life. They are slivers of grace given to strengthen me during the famines of His presence. 

I do not understand the purpose of the dark night, but I want to learn to love Him even when I cannot see. I do not understand why during certain seasons, His presence is more real than the air I breathe and why during others, He hides from me. I do not understand it at all. But I am learning to ride the lows. I am learning to trust that He sees the weak reaches of my weak heart. I am learning to trust that just one feeble glance of my eyes is enough to move Him. I am praying that the pursuit of my weak heart will delight Him, and that when I fight for the One I love, He will draw near to me in ways I have only ever imagined. 

I want more, and I will not stop pressing in, even in my weakness.

Bridal Paradigm, Intimacy

This is my Beloved, this is my Friend

My beloved is fairer and none can compare
He’s beauty, He stands alone
And His brightness is blinding, He is outshining
The glory of the sun above

Beautiful savior
Precious Lamb of God
Wonderful Jesus
My dear One, whom I love

You are worth far more than I could ever give
My love I give to You
Let my life be like a sweet fragrance
Fully pleasing before You

Lovely, excellent, dazzling
Chief among ten thousand.

My beloved is white and ruddy,
Chief among ten thousand.
His head is like the finest gold;
His locks are wavy, and black as a raven.
His eyes are like doves by the rivers of waters,
Washed with milk, and fitly set.
His cheeks are like a bed of spices, banks of scented herbs.
His lips are lilies, dripping liquid myrrh.
His hands are rods of gold set with beryl.
His body is carved ivory Inlaid with sapphires.
His legs are pillars of marble set on bases of fine gold.
His countenance is like Lebanon, excellent as the cedars.
His mouth is most sweet,
Yes, he is altogether lovely.
This is my beloved,
And this is my friend,
O daughters of Jerusalem! (‭Song of Solomon‬ ‭5‬:‭10-16‬ NKJV)

Intimacy, Longing

From The Bottom Of My Heart

To love You and to be loved by You. That’s all I want, really. At the end of a long day, I search my heart, and that is all I want. To love You and to be loved by You – this is my simple desire. 

In a sea of faces, my heart still longs for Yours. 

// As the deer pants for the water, my soul longs for You
As the body dies without water, my soul dies without You

Take me to the place where You satisfy, take me to the river
I’ll do anything, God; there is no price, take me to the river

They may say, “Come on, get over it, everything is okay”
They may say, “Why the hunger?
Why the thirsting? Why the mourning?”
But my soul cries, my soul cries

They may say, “Why the mourning?
Drink be merry, for tomorrow we die
Tomorrow we die”
That’s why I’d rather sit in the house of mourning
Than at the table with fools

My soul cries, my soul cries, my soul cries for You
All my tears You hold in a bottle; You will pour them out like rain
Weeping endures for the night, for the night
But joy comes in the morning, joy comes in the morning

Blessed are the hungry — You said it, I believe it
Blessed are the thirsty — You said it, I believe it
Hunger is my gift, thirst the evidence
That You are drawing me deeper, deeper still

Deep is calling out to deep is calling out to deep
Yesterday’s depth is feeling really shallow
I’ve gotta go deeper, deeper, deeper still
And all Your waves and all Your billows crash over me
Pulling me deeper still

As the deer pants for the water, my soul longs for You
As the body dies without water, my soul dies without You. //

Intimacy, Longing, Musings, Prayer

Please Let Me See

The measure to which God reveals Himself is the measure to which we will be in love with Him. How can we love someone we do not know? We are so in need of the Spirit of wisdom and revelation. We grow dull, only because we do not see. We sink into the routines of religion, only because we do not see. We grow cold in love, only because we do not see. We must see. We must know. We must reach. We must pursue.

Only when we see Him and know Him can we love Him rightly. We can sit around and talk theology all we want, but if He does not reveal Himself, we are a people to be pitied… 

Intimacy, Purpose

When You Search, See Me.

For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him. (‭2 Chronicles‬ ‭16‬:‭9‬ NIV)

Is this not incredible? It grips my heart. God, who has everything and lacks nothing, wants something – and this tells me exactly what it is. How I yearn to give Him His heart’s desire.

His eyes search to and fro throughout the earth. Yet so few will ever look back.

I want to be found amongst those who do.