Destiny, Musings, Process, The Voyage, Wilderness

Musings of a Wandering Pilgrim

Some nights I wonder if I made bed in the right city. There was once a call I heard. I was so sure of it. In the depths of His presence I saw as clear as day. But it was too big, too impossible. Me? I thought. Who am I? I’m nobody. It can’t be. So I asked for a sign. I asked to be shown. I asked to see what I already knew. How I needed it because I was so afraid. I didn’t believe it could be for me. 

I waited and waited. For so long, I waited. But nothing ever happened, so one day I stopped waiting. 

Did I miss out? I don’t know. But all this time, I just did the best I knew how to. I’ve always done my best. And in the waiting, I lived my life. I’ve made many mistakes along the way, more than I dare to confess. But I’ve also built good things. Wonderful things. Are they God-things? Maybe. Maybe not. He’s been with me all the way though, this I know. And most days that’s been enough to keep me going. 

Still, I ponder on all the things that could have turned out differently, had I not asked to be met halfway. Had I not waited. Had I been less afraid. Had I just jumped. Am I a fool? Maybe. Am I too far gone? Did I miss out? I don’t know. Am I lost? Yes most days I still do feel lost. As if I’m running in circles but coming up short every time. The saddest part is that I once saw it all so clearly. But now it just feels like a distant reality. I feel so far from all He once sung over me. Now I’m not sure if there is even a place for me to go back to anymore.

I asked to be led – but here I am today. 

I try not to ask too many questions anymore because having them unanswered is just too confusing. Everyday I just put one foot in front of the other and hope for the best. What else can I do? I don’t know what else to do. 

Please don’t leave me behind. 

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Consecration, Destiny, Eternity, Process, Purpose, The Voyage

Unshakeable Hope 

“These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off were assured of them, embraced them and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth. 

For those who say such things declare plainly that they seek a homeland. And truly if they had called to mind that country from which they had come out, they would have had opportunity to return. But now they desire a better, that is, a heavenly country.

Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them.” // Hebrews‬ ‭11:13-16‬ ‭

Only when we understand how it will end will we know how we must live in the now. God placed eternity in the hearts of men for this very reason. (Ecc 3:11) This vapor called life has to be anchored in what is transcendent and of eternal continuity if it is to have any meaning – otherwise we are but mere wandering fools to be pitied. 

Everything else is like chaff – it will all burn away to dust before the fire of His eyes. I can’t even begin to tell you how it is my biggest fear to live a life that counts for nothing. To have built my life upon all these things that seemed so great in the eyes of men, only to stand before Him on that day and have it all fall out from under me. 

I swear, with everything I have within me, that I will live and posture my life in such a way that when I finally enter into His presence, it will not be with shame – but with my head held high, strong and absolutely victorious in love. 

Seasons come and seasons go, and I have many dreams to fight for, but this – this will always be the biggest dream of my heart. 

I will receive the reward of my faith.

“… to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to present you faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy, to God our Savior, who alone is wise, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and forever. Amen.” /// Jude‬ ‭1:24-25‬

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Destiny, Love, Purpose, The Voyage

Did You Learn To Love? 

“The measure of a man is the measure of his heart,

The measure of a man is the measure of his love.”

Few words have struck me as deeply as these. We cannot define greatness on our own terms, we have to define them by His. Only two commandments did He give to us – the entire Law hangs upon these two simple lines. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and love your neighbor. 

If all of life comes down to love – if greatness is defined solely by this rightful pursuit of our hearts – then we must learn to do it well. How can we afford otherwise? 

At the end of my days, when I stand before Him I want to do so with a heart that is tender, a heart that has been enlarged by life to love and love well. If this is how He defines greatness, then may I always live up to His standards and not the world’s. The world asks me for my career, my beauty, my status, my fame. But He cuts through all of that and asks me of only one thing – my heart. 

May I exchange my vain ideas and empty ambitions for what truly counts before the throne of God. I want to build my life upon this one and singular firm foundation, because I know that everything else will one day burn away before His eyes of fire. 

You don’t measure me like man may see, You’re looking at my heart; the core of me. When it’s all been said, when it’s all been done, when the race is run – it all comes down to love. 

“Did you learn to love?” is what You will ask of me. 

“Did you learn to love?” not about my ministry. 

“Did you learn to love?” not about my money. 

“…Did you learn to love?”

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Destiny, Eternity, Intimacy, Process, The Voyage

Through it all. 

Maybe destiny isn’t so much a place we are going to, nor a task we will set out to do – but more of the person we will become through it all. 

Every fire, every trial, every form of testing refines our hearts in meekness, faithfulness and humility before God – if we respond rightly. 

And every joy, every victory, every single fight won molds our hearts in understanding of His nature – that we may delight to love Him more.

I think destiny is the complete fullness of a heartbeat thriving in oneness with Jesus – that having done all we may stand, and stand victorious before the One we know and love. 

– pilgrim on a journey home. 

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Consecration, Destiny, Eternity, Love

What Is The Point?

What if destiny isn’t a place I reach in ministry, but the journey towards the fullness of oneness with my Jesus? The fullness of my heart in love, devotion, intimacy and obedience? 

Is there any other way to life? Certainly not. All else is but a shadow to this one singular pursuit. 

My heart strays often to my other lovers. Sometimes they are all I can see, and they become my reality. 

But deep down inside, I long for One above all. How can I not? He is who I was made for, and in Him I come alive the most. 

I know that this life will be one where my “yes” to the Lord will be tested over and over again. There are moments when my love for Jesus feels like a fiery flame that cannot be quenched. At other times, and this happens more than I dare to confess, my love feels so weak. I am overwhelmed by the world and I feel so incapable of holding firm to the resolves that I make during moments of heightened passion. If not for the Divine Grace that holds on to me I would have given up and fallen away a long long time ago. 

Yet, it is worth declaring that through these highs and lows that I swing back and forth from, my heart for Him remains true. My love for Him has always, always been real, even in the moments when I am the weakest. I am not ashamed to say so because there is no lie in my words. 

And so over and over again I will come in humility and sing, even when my heart is so broken and all I can offer is the small hidden part of it that has pledged everlasting love to Him. 

This is the pilgrimage of my heart and the destiny of my life. This journey is one that I will give myself to for the rest my days, no matter how many times I break and fall. I know that one day it will be fulfilled in all entirety when I see – face to face – my Lord shining before me in all Glory, Beauty and Light. 

“All things were created through Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist.”

“For of Him and through Him and to Him are all things, to whom be glory forever. Amen.”

‭‭Romans 11:36 // Colossians‬ ‭1:16-17

Jesus is the point of my life.

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Destiny, Eternity, The Church

Bigger Than Life, Bigger Than Me

Some of God’s promises are too big to carry alone. It might be your promise but it might not come to pass unless someone else, or an entire community, or an entire generation, comes along to help you to carry it.

Some of His promises cannot even be contained in one single lifetime. What if we never see our promises come to pass fully in our lifetimes? What if our children, or our grandchildren, or the generations beyond were the ones who would carry them to pass? God promised Abraham children that would outnumber the stars in the sky and the grains of sand on the shores. But he never saw it in his lifetime. Yet it is coming true today – unfolding more and more fully every passing day.

Don’t you see? It’s not about you. It’s not about your ministry, or your calling, or your destiny. It’s far bigger than that. When you start to see His Kingdom as a whole – as an establishment spanning from the beginning of Creation right until the end of age – one that covers entire lifetimes and whole generations – suddenly you realize that your life is but one tiny strand of the magnificent eternal tapestry He is weaving. Suddenly your eyes are lifted off your own life and fixed unto humanity’s story. Suddenly it’s not only about you as an individual but about the Bride as a whole. Suddenly it’s not only about fulfilling your own calling but about carrying the people around you into theirs. Suddenly it’s not only about what you will do in this life, but what you will raise your children to do. Suddenly it’s not “me” anymore… it’s “us”. It’s us – through Him, to Him, in Him and for Him.

We are His orchestra, and all of Creation is a symphony, building up unto one single grand crescendo – the revelation of the glorious Son.

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Consecration, Destiny, Eternity, Fear of God, Intimacy, Longing, Love, Musings

Greatness

I think many people have a warped understanding of what greatness is. When we talk about greatness in the Christian context, many think greatness is found in the size of their ministry, the stage, the big lights, their realm of influence, what an “anointed man/woman of God” people say they are. What if greatness is not found in any of that? Is a famous minister to the nations greater than an unknown housewife faithfully loving and serving her family? I don’t think so. The former simply has a bigger assignment, but greatness cannot be defined by the scale of our assignment (although we should serve faithfully in the spheres entrusted to us). To understand what greatness means, we must look back at the One who initiated our lives and find out He is searching for because He created us and He alone gets to define the standards of greatness. What is He searching for and what does He measure us by? What pleases Jesus? It is important to know the answers to these questions because in the fulfillment of them, we find real purpose and we attain true greatness. 

So what does He measure us by? He has not hidden it from us. He makes it so clear all throughout Scripture. I could go on and on, but to sum it up in one simple sentence, the greatest Christian is the one who loves Him the most, and the one who walks that love out in righteousness, holy fear, obedience to His commands and laid-down sacrificial love for people. The one who does this is counted as great. 

It would mean absolutely nothing if the whole world applauded me and told me how amazing I was, if God did not agree. It would be utterly pointless if I ticked all the boxes of what greatness looks like in the eyes of man, but completely miss out on what Jesus thinks is great. We all want to be great for God, but the key to being great is first found in understanding where it truly lies. 

God is the one who will evaluate me when I stand before Him at the end, not man. I will be evaluated by His standards, not man’s. We want to be great and significant in His eyes, because that is where it counts.

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