Love, Pain


Heavyweight absence. Sometimes that is all you know. 

Steady drip drip, is that another tear? Cry it out. How long until they run out? Sometimes, long before the hurt does. 

But simmer down, love. Feel it all and teach yourself to breathe again. Someday, somehow, you will find what makes your heart feel a little less alone. Someday, somehow, you will find strong arms ready to meet you in the midst of all your fragility. A warmth so solid and a love so present that you will forget what it was ever like not to feel safe. Right there it will be – a love that stays.  

“But what do I do until then?” 

Put your foot one in front of the other. Keep walking, just like you always have. Fight for your heart, even when no one else will. You know how to do this, remember? 

Hide when you must. Find your safe places and hide. You will know when it’s okay to come out again.

Pain, Trials, Wilderness

Tired, Just Tired. 

It’s been a weary few months, with my heart being tossed to and fro by the waves. Most of the time my pain feels like a maze I will never be able to climb my way out of. I am tired of the uncertainty that surrounds me. I speak of hope to the people around me, even though I am not sure if I have any left for myself. There are nights when I lie in bed with tears falling down my face, wondering how I ever got here to this place. Wondering why I keep looking for happiness in the place I lost it. I cry myself to exhaustion, and finally fall asleep in a dreamless haze, only to wake up to questions unanswered and longings unfulfilled yet again.

Please heal my heart Jesus. I don’t know how to heal it myself. I don’t know how I got here.