Consecration, Desire, Fear of God, Intimacy, Love, Musings, Pain, Wilderness, Worship

A Price to Pay

I was in a train thinking today – how nothing worth having ever comes easy. 

There are some people you come across – men and women of God who love Jesus dearly and it is so evident. You cannot fake love. Pure love is written all over their faces. It is in the sweet and unique fragrance that the worship of their lives release. It is in fire of their eyes and the weight of their words when they speak of Him. People look at all these things and they marvel at it. But they know not the struggles and battles fought in private. They do not see the countless tears shed. There is a great price to pay to know the nearness of Jesus. His heart is one that burns with an all consuming fire and the one who wants to be near Him must walk through this fire of burning. It is the death of self, the labor of prayer. The surrendering of the heart, the refining of soul, the sacrifice of holiness. The travail mourning and the deep aching hunger for more. 

It is a painful road that few understand and even fewer dare to take. 

Of course one can simply go to church on Sundays and highlight a few verses, read a few books. Anyone can do that, it is not hard. Anyone can love Jesus from afar. It is easy. But it takes real courage to pay the price of burning that authentic face to face intimacy with God requires. This is more than mere obedience or a good Christian show. This is the gut wrenching heart cry of the one who will not settle for anything less. 

This fire I talk of – it is painful, but it is sweet. Difficult as this road is, there is a deep satisfaction in living for something greater than yourself… It is what we were made for and the only thing that will make our dull sorrowful hearts come alive. 

It is this Love that caused the saints of old go to their deathbeds singing and worshipping. Their eyes were lifted to heaven and their hearts were aflame with passion for the Lord they loved more than life itself. Oh how I want it.. How I desire a love for Jesus so great that it changes all I know and shakes the very foundation on which I walk. Is He not worthy of this kind of love? Is He not worthy of all I have to give, and yet still more? 

If the fire leads me to You, I want to walk through it even when it hurts. If it takes the burning for me to be completely one with You, do it Lord. Burn my heart and let it be fully Yours.

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Intimacy, Prayer

Sit with You, Stay with You

I think it is important to sit with God, even when I do not know the words to pray. Some days I don’t have very much to say. But I be with Him anyway and there is a soothing peace that covers my soul. 

And often, when I am burdened, I do not like to talk. I know not what to say. What I do is I sit with Him and turn my groaning heart towards Him. I trust that He hears and understands the heaviness I have no words for. 

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Intimacy, Longing

From The Bottom Of My Heart

To love You and to be loved by You. That’s all I want, really. At the end of a long day, I search my heart, and that is all I want. To love You and to be loved by You – this is my simple desire. 

In a sea of faces, my heart still longs for Yours. 


// As the deer pants for the water, my soul longs for You
As the body dies without water, my soul dies without You

Take me to the place where You satisfy, take me to the river
I’ll do anything, God; there is no price, take me to the river

They may say, “Come on, get over it, everything is okay”
They may say, “Why the hunger?
Why the thirsting? Why the mourning?”
But my soul cries, my soul cries

They may say, “Why the mourning?
Drink be merry, for tomorrow we die
Tomorrow we die”
That’s why I’d rather sit in the house of mourning
Than at the table with fools

My soul cries, my soul cries, my soul cries for You
All my tears You hold in a bottle; You will pour them out like rain
Weeping endures for the night, for the night
But joy comes in the morning, joy comes in the morning

Blessed are the hungry — You said it, I believe it
Blessed are the thirsty — You said it, I believe it
Hunger is my gift, thirst the evidence
That You are drawing me deeper, deeper still

Deep is calling out to deep is calling out to deep
Yesterday’s depth is feeling really shallow
I’ve gotta go deeper, deeper, deeper still
And all Your waves and all Your billows crash over me
Pulling me deeper still

As the deer pants for the water, my soul longs for You
As the body dies without water, my soul dies without You. //

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