Consecration, Desire, Love, Worship

What It Means To Be A Person Of One Thing

There is a war that rages in my heart. It is a war of love and affections. I try to fight it on my own but I cannot. I try to build walls, try to keep my heart pure and clean from distraction – gazed at only One. But on my own I am not strong enough. I am pulled from all sides and my attention is demanded by so many.

But this I know, in the presence of great Love, all other weaker loves fade away. What had seemed to burn so bright simply dims away. How can a flickering candle compare to the beautiful shining sun?

When the rushing tidal wave of His love crashes over me, every single fort I had frantically tried to build to keep other lovers out cease to serve their purpose. They don’t even need to be there anymore, because my gaze is so turned away from every other lover and I am utterly consumed by this single One most beautiful.

False love occupies space in our hearts. It demands. It takes and takes. But great Love frees us and fills us. The fierceness I had tried to conjure up all on my own is suddenly taken over by a stillness. A still knowing that I need not fight, I need only stay. The fight in me is put to rest by what my Father so willingly pours out. What rest for my weary heart! What peace..

Everything melts away when I look at Him. Above every other love, I will choose Him.

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Calvary, Fear of God, Grace, Love, Worship

Beautiful Calvary

“At the cross You beckon me,
Draw me gently to my knees,
And I am lost for words, so lost in love
I am sweetly broken, wholly surrendered.”

I was singing this chorus on the piano tonight… Oh! One need only linger a while at the foot of the cross to be moved to weeping. I never want to get over the cross. I never, ever, ever want to get over the cross.

It is the greatest wonder, the most beautiful mystery. Divine Uncreated Love hung naked and bleeding on a tree. The One who stood in unapproachable light forsook His garments of glory for frail human skin. This Jesus, this beautiful, preexistent, uncreated Son of God became Lamb to drink the cup of wrath that was meant for me.

This breaks me.

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Intimacy, Love, Musings, Process

History

“I’ve heard a thousand stories of what they think You’re like, but I’ve heard the tender whisper of Love in the dead of night.”

There’s something about having a history with God. It’s so precious. There is a nearness and dearness that grows in richness as the years pass by. The thing about intimacy with God is that no one else can obtain it for you. It is a priceless treasure that is cultivated over the years of journeying with Him through the highs and lows. 

He is always surprising me and I am always discovering new things about Him, but there is a growing familiarity to His tender voice. How I love His Presence. Even though He is so vast and I’ve barely scratched the surface when it comes to knowing Him, I can say with confidence, “This is the One I love, and this is the One who loves me.” 

He has become my home.

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Consecration, Destiny, Grace, Longing, Musings, Pain, Prayer, Process, Trials, Wilderness

Safe, Or Right?

When it comes to process, I’ll be the first one to confess how much I hate it. But I think only when He tests your heart can you truly see what’s on the inside. There are things that you discover in the waiting and in the stretching that you wouldn’t have grapsed otherwise.

Over the past few months the Lord has been testing my heart and I am realizing that what is comfortable and easy isn’t always right. All around me I am presented with options that, if I decide to choose, would allow me to be set for life. I see these options, and I realize that there is an easy life available to me if I want it. It is entirely within my reach and it will be a life crafted by my own hands.

But I don’t want that! I don’t want a life of my own making. I want a life crafted by Him.

There is a such tempting to choose the safe, to choose the comfortable. And although that would look like a life of abundance on the outside, I know with all my heart that it will be a lesser life. Although it would look like a life of prosperity to everyone else, it is, in reality, utter poverty because it will be settling for less than what He has dreamed of in His heart for me. I don’t think my heart would be able to bear that kind of holy dissatisfaction. Certainly it is a wretched way to live, even though all my needs will be taken care of on the outside. I can’t!

Yet I am so aware right now that if I go His way and forsake my own, it would look utterly ridiculous on the outside. It would go against every norm and tradition, and I am not sure if I will ever be able to turn back. But how can I tell Him that I surrender if I am unwilling to let go of my own need for control and allow Him to take the wheel?

So I take a deep breath and I willingly choose to step into the water, because that is where I see Him standing and calling. Will I sink? Will I swim? I don’t know. And that frightens me. So much!
But better to step out of my boat into the waves where He is, than to hide inside luxury and comfort all the days of my life where He is not. A risk it may be, but please let me never exalt my need for comfort over Him!

I know this – there is nothing outside the will of God that I want, no matter how comfortable or lovely looking. I want the fullness of a life lived inside His will, even if it tears me from my safe little cocoon. Even if it makes no sense at all.

What if is a question I never want to have to ponder. I embrace You Lord and all Your beautiful ways, even if it makes me look like a fool.

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Intimacy, Longing, Love, Musings

Treasure

“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and hid; and for joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field. (‭Matthew‬ ‭13‬:‭44‬ NKJV)

When you find real treasure, you fight for it. You pursue it with everything you have. You gladly give all to keep it. It is not a burdensome task. It is the delight and the joy of your heart. When you realize the worth of something, there is no price. It is the same with God. Reckless abandonment and wholehearted surrender is the only response there is. Anyone at all who has truly encountered His person will tell you the same. 

A fool I may seem in the eyes of the world, but I’ve found my treasure. I’ve found the delight of my heart and the love of my life. I’ve never known such beauty and I don’t want to look anywhere else. I don’t have to. He is the culmination of my every longing and in Him I find the fulfillment of every desire I’ve ever had. 

He is the treasure I stand for and fight for. And just like that man in the field, He is the treasure I would give anything for. 

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Consecration, Destiny, Eternity, Fear of God, Longing, Process, Purpose

Tightrope

“Can’t pretend that I am blind 
Can’t go back and raise the mind 
Naivety and wide eyed wonder are far from me
But at least now I see

It’s like I’m walking on a tightrope stretched across the universe
Way too high to go back from where I came
But oh the miles I’ve yet to take 

I’m too far in to turn around now
I’ve go too far to go to sit down now
Too far in 
Too far to go

Surrounded by blackness mingled with stars 
Keeping the sacred balance hoping I don’t fall
Don’t wanna fall
Don’t wanna walk when I disappear like cowards talk 

Hanging there in space 
My toes gripping the rope
The only hope
That golden thread that got me here
Will be the same that brings me to the end

You surround me
Your invisible hand 
Around and around
In this uncomfortable in between 
Where I’m too far in to turn around now”

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Consecration, Destiny, Eternity, Longing, Love, Musings, Prayer

Of Purpose, Intentions, and Decisions

If the entire purpose and the ultimate culmination of my life is to love God then I need to be intentional in doing so. The decisions I make, big and small, internally and externally, must work towards this one purpose. Where I go, what I decide to do, who I surround myself with, what I listen to, the day to day decisions, the major life altering decisions.. All of it needs to be intentional, and all of it must, to some degree or another, push my heart closer to His. 

I have realized my purpose in this life and it is to love Jesus with all my heart, mind, soul and strength. I will not fight it, rather I will work with Him in bringing every area of my life under voluntary yieldedness so I can love Him with all that I am and all that I have. I want this! This both scares me and excites me because I know have barely even scratched the surface when it comes to loving Him in all entirety. 

We talk about things like wholeheartedness, pursuit, surrender and yieldedness. These terms are beautiful and they capture the heart of it so beautifully but have we given any thought to how this plays out in the mundaneness of everyday life? What does an authentic pursuit of the heart of God look like? What does it mean in the day to day? I believe that oneness with God is completely possible and doable even on this side of eternity. It has to be, because He would not have commanded us to pursue it if it were out of reach. 

Loving God wholly with all that we are and all that we have is possible, and I want to pursue it with all intentionality. Let every decision of my heart and my life reflect this desire. I want to stand at the end of my life before the One I love with no regret.

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