there are nights
i feel everything so deeply
beauty, love, loss and sadness
and my soul wells up and pours itself out through my eyes
The days crawl by so slow but one day you wake up and it’s June already. Time oh time, where did you go from me? I fear reaching the end of this year and realizing nothing’s changed at all. I’m tired of running around in circles and coming up short every time.
Please, there must be more than this.
This is the story of the Son of God
Hanging on a cross for me
But it ends with a Bride and a Groom
and a wedding by a glassy sea
O death, where is your sting?
Cause I’ll be there singing
Holy, holy, holy is Your name.
This is the story of a bride in white
waiting on her wedding day
Anticipation welling up inside
while her Groom is crowned a King
O death, where is your sting?
Cause we’ll be there singing
Holy, holy, holy is Your name.
“And I heard, as it were, the voice of a great multitude, as the sound of many waters and as the sound of mighty thunderings, saying, “Alleluia! For the Lord God Omnipotent reigns! Let us be glad and rejoice and give Him glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His wife has made herself ready.” And to her it was granted to be arrayed in fine linen, clean and bright, for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints.” // Revelation 19:6-8 NKJV
This is all I am living, breathing & preparing for. Every sacrifice, every longing twist of the heart and every single bit of waiting will be worth it on that glorious day. All things will be made new then – every tear wiped away and every sorrow turned to joy as we behold the face of the One we have faithfully loved this whole time. How our hearts will swell.. How all of heaven and earth will burst forth together in one resounding chorus of praise and singing. Marriage here on earth is beautiful, but it is only a reflection of all there is to come.
He is worth the wait. Until then, let our lives echo with the voice a longing bride who is making herself ready.
Then I turned to see the voice that spoke with me. And having turned I saw seven golden lampstands, and in the midst of the seven lampstands One like the Son of Man, clothed with a garment down to the feet and girded about the chest with a golden band. His head and hair were white like wool, as white as snow, and His eyes like a flame of fire; His feet were like fine brass, as if refined in a furnace, and His voice as the sound of many waters; He had in His right hand seven stars, out of His mouth went a sharp two-edged sword, and His countenance was like the sun shining in its strength. (Revelation 1:12-16 NKJV)
This is the glorious One I love. Jesus is so beautiful… Tonight my heart aches to see Him. I wish I could peer past the veil of eternity and see Him. My insides twist with longing so much and I cry. I want to see Him. I want to see Him so much.
God’s ability to speak is greater than our inability to hear.
He shouts every single day to the world at large in the skies, in the wind, in the rain. And so, even more so, how can His children not know the voice of their Papa? The heart that is yielded and conformed to Jesus is tender, and it is soft to the voice of God. (When yielded to Him) He whispers into our hearts, our minds, our emotions, our thoughts, our desires.
He’s not so far away, not so out of reach. He’s all around, closer than our breath, nearer than our desires. We can trust Him to lead us rightly, we can trust that His sheep hear His voice. He is louder than we realize, and better than we think.
It is a sweet thing to be led by the arms of love.
Day and night
Night and day
Let incense rise
You are worthy of it all
This is the anthem of my heart. My eyes have seen the beauty and the worthiness of God, and He has wrecked me for anything less. How I long for the day when these words are more than a song sung in church. How I long for the day when unceasing worship and adoration becomes a reality, yes, even on this side of eternity. How I long for the day when He finally has a resting place in our midst, when His presence comes, and covers, and STAYS – because we, His people, have chosen to draw near and finally build Him the altars He deserves.
“Surely I will not go into the chamber of my house, Or go up to the comfort of my bed; I will not give sleep to my eyes Or slumber to my eyelids, Until I find a place for the LORD, A dwelling place for the Mighty One of Jacob.” (Psalms 132:3-5 NKJV)
David saw. Let this generation see too. Let false altars be torn down, and true ones built. He is so, so worthy. Words fail.
It is easy to love God when you are in a room full of people passionately pursuing Him with you. It is easy to love Him after a big conference. It is easy to love Him when your heart is so full and when His presence is more tangible than the ground you stand on. It is easy when He comes and fuels your zeal, and when He causes your heart to burn with frightening intensity. Yes, I know the highs, and I love the highs.
But He is teaching me to ride the lows as well. He is teaching me to love Him and to reach out to Him in the day to day mundaneness of life. It still isn’t easy. It never is. I struggle so hard to love when I cannot see, to press on when I cannot feel. Life gets so noisy, and I have to fight with all my might to keep my eyes focused and my heart turned towards the One I love so dearly. Sometimes I feel so weak and so incapable that I cry and cry. I cry at my inability to give Him what He deserves. I yearn to give Him so much, but I fall short and it makes me so heartbroken.
Lately, the comforting blanket of His presence has been coming to cover me. It is like refreshing rain to my dry and barren soul. In those short moments, He tells me, “I am here. I am always here. Look at Me, just look at Me.” I cling on to these precious moments for dear life. They are slivers of grace given to strengthen me during the famines of His presence.
I do not understand the purpose of the dark night, but I want to learn to love Him even when I cannot see. I do not understand why during certain seasons, His presence is more real than the air I breathe and why during others, He hides from me. I do not understand it at all. But I am learning to ride the lows. I am learning to trust that He sees the weak reaches of my weak heart. I am learning to trust that just one feeble glance of my eyes is enough to move Him. I am praying that the pursuit of my weak heart will delight Him, and that when I fight for the One I love, He will draw near to me in ways I have only ever imagined.
I want more, and I will not stop pressing in, even in my weakness.