“You’ve changed,” she said.
Pain does that. Time, too.
“Are you proud of it?”
Of course. Of course I am. I’ve fought so hard to grow into every single inch of this new skin. To hold my head up high every single day and carry on.
Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory. – 2 Corinthians 4:16-17
Don’t give up now, your life has barely just begun. These few short years are but a drop in the bucket of eternity. Our momentary troubles are refining in us real gold – gold of infinite worth that we will only truly see in eternity.
It’s not in vain, none of this is in vain. Yield, surrender, keep trusting, keep going. Find yourself, again and again at the feet of Jesus. It is the only way to live. It is the only true life there is.
One day with unveiled eyes we will see all we have built through the foundations of meekness and trust. We will enter into His presence with our heads held high, absolutely victorious in love. We will, with exceeding joy, receive the great reward of our faith – the delight of Jesus Himself. This is the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. This is where all of this is going.
We must, with diligence, set our eyes on this vision over and over again. Eternity has been written on our hearts for this very reason. To show us where we are going, that we may not lose heart.
There is a reward waiting for the faithful.
“And he brought him to Jesus. Now when Jesus looked at him, He said, “You are Simon the son of Jonah. You shall be called Cephas” (which is translated, A Stone).”John 1:42
You see who we are even before we’ve become. You know beginning to end, and everything else in between. You are in my everyday; gently shaping, faithfully molding, intently burning. You are well able to see me through from the here and now, all the way until then. You are in my mess. My trials, my triumphs, You are in it all. With me. For me.
Faithful One, I know You will finish what You’ve started inside me. Make me into all the beauty that You’ve ever dreamed of for me to be.
“Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to present you faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy..” Jude 1:24
It’s been almost a year since I moved here. A year of growing and learning, falling hard, picking myself back up and growing again. A year of breaking and healing, and breaking and healing again. A year of doing life with the most amazing community I’ve ever known (you know who you are, I love you). A year of learning (as usual, always the hard way) that the world out there can be a harsh place – and that things aren’t always as they seem – but also that good can come out of the ugliest situations. That in the midst of it all I can always find a place of rest and refreshing in the comfort of His presence. And that there remains no true life outside of it.
I look back now and I don’t recognize the girl I was a year ago. I’m so glad I came. It’s been difficult, but in many ways, so good.
Sometimes I wonder how long my season here will be. Have I overstayed my time? Or is there still more to learn? Where is home?
It doesn’t matter though. I will simply grow where I am planted. And I will ready my heart for whatever there is to come. I will incline my ear faithfully to my Father and trust in His perfect leadership over my life.
Is He not the one who makes all things come together in His time? He is.
So I rest.
Sometimes I think we need to give ourselves permission to go through the journey. Sometimes A doesn’t equal right away to B. It just doesn’t. Oh, if only it were so simple. But life isn’t simple. It’s messy, especially when the frail and tangled up human heart comes into the picture.
I wish we could always jump from A to B right away. From questions to answers. From brokenness to wholeness. From prophetic word, to promise fulfilled. But it doesn’t always happen like that. Most of the times there are all these little journeys in between – and we have to give ourselves permission to feel, and to wrestle, and to fall – all before we arrive at B.
God doesn’t condemn us. He is in the process. He is in the wrestling. The wrong decisions, the detours. He is big enough to handle it. It’s not as if He didn’t see it coming from the start. He’s not gonna fall off His throne.
There is more than enough grace for the journey. My prayer is not to be perfect enough to earn my way into the promise land. It is not to put my life on hold, or to play it safe. My prayer is to walk close with Jesus through it all, and that He would always lead me to exactly where I need to be – yes, despite me.
There is a treasure in every season but you have to open up your eyes to see it. For the longest time I had just been floating – utterly paralyzed this strange limbo of aching and waiting. My eyes kept looking forward, which I guess is not a bad thing in itself, but in doing so I had let everything else that was around me slip by. I lived so much for the future that I forgot the present.
But two days ago during lunch with a dear friend, it dawned on me then what a beautiful life I have right now. This season I am in is such a gift from God. And I am happy, I really am.
All these incredible promises spoken over my life and my heart… but in the process of waiting for them to come to pass, I had fallen into such mourning and declared my present as barren. Isn’t that mighty foolish? Because I look around me and all I see is goodness.
I don’t want to wait anymore. Let what come may, but I don’t want to put my life on hold anymore.
I want to live.
…imitate those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.
And so, after he had patiently endured, he obtained the promise. (Hebrews 6:12,15 NKJV)
Faith and patience – it takes both to inherit the promises of God.
Sometimes I wonder why He promises us something so far ahead of time, and then deffers the fulfillment of it. Wouldn’t it be easier on our hearts not to tell us at all, until it is time? Because if we know, we want. And if we want, we ache.
“Did You really say that Lord? Did I hear wrong? What would You have me do?”
We swing back and forth between the heights of faith and the depths of doubt. Up and down we go – one minute hoping, the next, giving up, and then the next, daring to believe again. Tiring isn’t it?
Still.. He isn’t fazed. He walks us through this slow fire of process because it is here that the gold is formed. It is here that He builds in us a steadiness and maturity strong enough to carry the promise when it finally comes to pass.
Faith and patience. Because trust doesn’t have a deadline. Don’t lose heart, you’ll get there. And you’ll be so ready when you do.