Love

It all comes back to You

Oh the overwhelming, never-ending reckless love of God 

Oh it chases me down, fights till I’m found

Leaves the ninety nine

I couldn’t earn it, I don’t deserve it

Still You give Yourself away.

Even now as I lay awake with the familiar ache that sometimes comes to visit me in the late of night.. I remember that all my longings, they always lead me back to Jesus. Always and forever it will be Jesus. 

Fill my heart so with Your love that I will never have to look for it in the arms of another.

There’s no shadow You won’t light up

Mountain You won’t climb up, coming after me

There’s no wall You won’t kick down

Lie You won’t tear down, coming after me.. 

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Consecration, Destiny, Eternity, Love

What Is The Point?

What if destiny isn’t a place I reach in ministry, but the journey towards the fullness of oneness with my Jesus? The fullness of my heart in love, devotion, intimacy and obedience? 

Is there any other way to life? Certainly not. All else is but a shadow to this one singular pursuit. 

My heart strays often to my other lovers. Sometimes they are all I can see, and they become my reality. 

But deep down inside, I long for One above all. How can I not? He is who I was made for, and in Him I come alive the most. 

I know that this life will be one where my “yes” to the Lord will be tested over and over again. There are moments when my love for Jesus feels like a fiery flame that cannot be quenched. At other times, and this happens more than I dare to confess, my love feels so weak. I am overwhelmed by the world and I feel so incapable of holding firm to the resolves that I make during moments of heightened passion. If not for the Divine Grace that holds on to me I would have given up and fallen away a long long time ago. 

Yet, it is worth declaring that through these highs and lows that I swing back and forth from, my heart for Him remains true. My love for Him has always, always been real, even in the moments when I am the weakest. I am not ashamed to say so because there is no lie in my words. 

And so over and over again I will come in humility and sing, even when my heart is so broken and all I can offer is the small hidden part of it that has pledged everlasting love to Him. 

This is the pilgrimage of my heart and the destiny of my life. This journey is one that I will give myself to for the rest my days, no matter how many times I break and fall. I know that one day it will be fulfilled in all entirety when I see – face to face – my Lord shining before me in all Glory, Beauty and Light. 

“All things were created through Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist.”

“For of Him and through Him and to Him are all things, to whom be glory forever. Amen.”

‭‭Romans 11:36 // Colossians‬ ‭1:16-17

Jesus is the point of my life.

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Bridal Paradigm, Desire, Intimacy, Longing, Love, Musings

I Am Lovely

The Shulamite: I am dark, but lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, Like the tents of Kedar, Like the curtains of Solomon.
(Song of Solomon 1:5)

The Beloved: If you do not know, O fairest among women, Follow in the footsteps of the flock, And feed your little goats Beside the shepherds’ tents. (‭Song of Solomon‬ ‭1‬:‭8) 

The Shulamite woman is so painfully aware of her darkness. Out of the overflow of her insecure heart, her mouth speaks – and she calls herself dark.

But look! Immediately, in the next passage, her Beloved affirms her by calling her the “fairest among women”. He counters her insecurities by speaking over her words of healing and life. He sees beauty in her even when she is unable to see it herself. 

Instead of pointing out her obvious faults, he continues to affirm her throughout the remainder of the Song – prophetically calling forth the woman she was always meant to be. The love of this man aids in bringing wholeness and restoration to the Shulamite woman’s heart. He makes her feel safe by covering her weakness with his strength. His tender love brings healing to her heart. We see how this plays out in the remainder of the Song, with the Shulamite woman growing in confidence as she understands that his desire is for her, yes, even in her brokenness. She emerges from underneath her wall of fear and insecurity, and she grows into one mature in love, equally yoked with her Beloved. 

The love of a man is life-bringing in a special way to a woman’s heart. It is able to unlock things inside a woman and cause her to blossom beautifully. If the imperfect love of fallen man can bring this about, how much more can the perfect love of God heal and restore our hearts! 

When we begin to understand how God sees us, something will unlock inside us. He does not despise us in our darkness, and He does not shame our frail offerings of love. He loves the one who is broken and contrite in heart. He looks upon the (sincere) struggling believer with such tender eyes. The more we understand this the more confident we can be before Him. 

What is it to be covered and protected? What does it feel like to be cherished, even in our weakness? What does it feel like to be loved unconditionally, and to be wanted even in our brokenness? What is it like to be pursued and to be seen as lovely and beautiful? So much healing comes. His love is able to do all these things and more. 

No longer will our faces be clouded by shame. No longer will we beat ourselves up in insecurity. When we understand that His desire is for us, something will settle inside of our hearts. His love causes our hearts to be still, and finally, we can rest. 

We can say confidently, “Dark am I, but I am lovely to Him.” 

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Intimacy, Longing, Love, Musings

Of Freedom, Love and Pursuit

A person who feels safe is bound to show you their best. The heart that knows it is loved by present company will blossom beautifully. Because it feels safe, there will not arise any urgency to strive or prove anything. Instead there comes a great freedom to just be. I know this to be true for me – I am the bravest and the most free when I feel loved and safe. But I am so prone to hiding when my heart is wary and unsure. Isn’t it strange how the human heart works? Yet, far be it from us for the condition of our hearts to depend on the risings and fallings of men. It is a shaky road to walk on because even the best and most loving of men can cause hurt sometimes. Nobody is completely constant or safe all the time, even towards those they love. That is the err of human behavior – it comes inevitably as part and parcel of fallen nature. Should we then push everybody away? How then will we cultivate intimacy – the one thing we need most from one another?

Maybe there is an answer. I think, when one abides and is constantly enveloped by the warmth of Father’s arms, there results a great sigh of relief from within – a beautiful freedom to just be because one knows they are already completely accepted; yes, even in the company of those who are not yet safe for the heart. The one who walks in the presence of Divine Love walks in freedom, because their heart is covered by God – irregardless of present company. It is an amazing thing to be free – free to pursue intimacy, free to pursue love – even with imperfect man. (Of course, there is wisdom in knowing which relationships are meant to be pursued with nearness, and which are better off attended to at a distance; but that can be pondered upon another day.) When my heart is being pursued and protected, it is easier for me to pursue the hearts of those who are meant for me to love. I am not as scared of rejection and hurt if I already feel safe. Only when I am loved can I love well.

I want to love well. I want to be pursued, and I want to pursue, because if all of life comes down to love, I want to love well.

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Consecration, Destiny, Eternity, Longing, Love, Musings, Prayer

Of Purpose, Intentions, and Decisions

If the entire purpose and the ultimate culmination of my life is to love God then I need to be intentional in doing so. The decisions I make, big and small, internally and externally, must work towards this one purpose. Where I go, what I decide to do, who I surround myself with, what I listen to, the day to day decisions, the major life altering decisions.. All of it needs to be intentional, and all of it must, to some degree or another, push my heart closer to His. 

I have realized my purpose in this life and it is to love Jesus with all my heart, mind, soul and strength. I will not fight it, rather I will work with Him in bringing every area of my life under voluntary yieldedness so I can love Him with all that I am and all that I have. I want this! This both scares me and excites me because I know have barely even scratched the surface when it comes to loving Him in all entirety. 

We talk about things like wholeheartedness, pursuit, surrender and yieldedness. These terms are beautiful and they capture the heart of it so beautifully but have we given any thought to how this plays out in the mundaneness of everyday life? What does an authentic pursuit of the heart of God look like? What does it mean in the day to day? I believe that oneness with God is completely possible and doable even on this side of eternity. It has to be, because He would not have commanded us to pursue it if it were out of reach. 

Loving God wholly with all that we are and all that we have is possible, and I want to pursue it with all intentionality. Let every decision of my heart and my life reflect this desire. I want to stand at the end of my life before the One I love with no regret.

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