Musings, Pain, Words

What do I say to you girls — you beautiful girls? You girls who are having the Bad Year — the Bad Year where you cannot remember why you were happy aged 12, and cannot imagine being happy at 21? … That panic and anxiety will lie to you — they are gonzo, malign commentators on the events of your life. Their counsel is wrong. You are as high, wired and badly advised by adrenaline as you would be by cocaine. Panic and anxiety are mad, drugged fools. Do not listen to their grinding-toothed, sweaty bullshit … And the most important thing? To know that you were not born like this. You were not born scared and self-loathing and overwhelmed. Things have been done — which means things can be undone. It is hard work. But you are not scared of hard work, compared with everything else you have dealt with.

Caitlin Moran 



Some nights I lie awake and question everything that I believe. Everything that I know and hold so dear. Everything that I so stake my life on. 

I think the measure of how much you truly believe in something is how crippled you would be if you discovered it were not true after all. 


I Refuse To Be My Emotions

Emotions that are aligned to the truth can be powerful, but emotions that aren’t can entirely blind you – especially if you are a strong feeler like me. They can lead you down an entire road of deception if you allow them to become your steering wheel. My emotions have taken me down roads I wish I had never gone. At the time I felt powerless to turn around – because my emotions colored my entire reality, and I couldn’t comprehend anything else. 

But how amazing the clarity that comes when the fog of your own emotion lifts. 

I don’t think I can ever change the way I am wired – this is who I am. I have never known middle ground – it is both my greatest strength and my greatest weakness. When I am happy, joy electrifies and explodes my whole being. When I grieve, I shatter. And when I love, I am entirely consumed. These will always be the intensities that course through me every waking day. 

So be it – but let my emotions always be conformed to what is pure and real. Let them never be the master of me, but I, the master of them. And let the gentle whisper of my Father always be my guiding truth, even in the midst of the raging loud storm that is me. 

Pain, Process, Purpose, Trials

I Can See It Now 

I wish we didn’t have to learn things  the hard way, but sometimes we do have to. Because sometimes it takes a painful slap in the face to wake up and see the truth. It takes falling down hard to get back up more determined than ever. It takes being dismantled in all the broken places to be put back together more beautiful than ever. 

In His mercy He reached for me, even in the midst of my foolishness. I was so utterly blind in my ways – but no longer. 

And now that I see clearer than I’ve ever seen, I will press on with zeal in my heart and fire in my eyes. 

“But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day…” // Genesis‬ ‭50:20‬ ‭

Consecration, Eschatology, Eternity, Fear of God, Forerunner Message, The Church, Truth

Love Wins

In the midst of the darkest and most confused hour in human history, may the Lord find a remnant faithful unto Him. As His eyes search to and fro throughout the earth, may He find an entire generation given over to Him, no matter the cost. May He find consecrated ones standing for Jesus, standing for truth, standing for love. Real love – the kind that goes hand in hand with truth, righteousness and saving grace – not the kind that celebrates perversion, compromise, and political correctness.

When the whole world rises up to shake their fists at You, let the wise be found on Your side. When the nations rage against You, let the humble be found hidden under the shelter of Your wings. When the masses gather to hate Your ways and curse Your name, let the faithful be found loving and exalting Your name.

Strengthen Your saints Lord! Keep us standing to the end. When You return, You will find faith on this earth.

Fear of God, Intimacy


The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant. (‭Psalm‬ ‭25‬:‭14‬ ESV)

Intimacy with God must always be safeguarded by the fear of the Lord. After all He is God and we are but dust. Yet, He invites us into a divine romance. What a beautiful mystery!

But because the nature of His love is so good, so extravagant, so lavish .. there is a risk of fallen man abusing it. Familiarity breeds contempt, and we can become so familiar with God that we start to treat Him like one of our own. But He will not be treated with such disregard. 

The fear of the Lord acknowledges that He is higher. He calls us near to Himself, but we must never tread His Presence lightly. To the one who understands this, He will entrust the deep and secret things of His heart. He loves all, yes, but know that the special friendship of God is resevered only for those who revere Him in His holiness. Anything other than that is false intimacy – a vain imagination of our own making. 

We want to know His heart, not love Him from afar. But first, we must fear Him. Yes, He calls us near, but we must come with honor and trembling.

Love, Musings

Perception vs Reality

The thing about truth is that it is never subjective. Reality does not hinge on our perceptions of it. If one’s perception and another differs, then who is right? They can’t both be right, because that would nullify each other out.

If I say I am a man, if I believe with all my heart I am a man, does that make me a man? If I were to hate the female body I was born in, if I refused to accept it, will that change the fact that I am a woman, and I will always be a woman? So what is the truth? Does it change based on what I choose to believe?

Perception is not always reality. The truth does not change based on our ability to accept it. And we know that anything other than the truth is a lie, a falsehood, a complete delusion – no matter how much we want to believe in it.

And applauding somebody trapped in a prison of lies is not love.