Musings, Pain, Prayer, Process, Trials, Wilderness

Morning Musings // In the Trial

When my courage ends, let my heart find strength in Your presence
I’ll walk through the fire with my head lifted high, and my spirit revived in Your story 
I’ll look to the cross as my failure is lost in the light of Your glorious grace 

I remember standing in the Allphones Arena in Sydney three years ago singing these words for the first time, tears streaming down my face. “Let the ruins come to life in the beauty of Your name..” Three years ago I stood there, the most broken I’d ever been, amongst a multitude of other ordinary people just like me, all of us praying for His redeeming grace to make all things new. 

Much has changed since then, but I continue to return to these words over and over again because they remain my heart’s cry through the seasons. I don’t ever remember a time when I was not struggling with one thing or the other. Some seasons the battles are bigger and tougher than others, but it seems there is always a need for something to be healed, or restored, or made new. And I think there will always be, for all of us, on this side of time. But that’s okay. 

Because there is a safe place in the midst of it all, and it is in the presence of the Restorer of All Things. He will prove Himself faithful over and over as He prunes the weeds in our lives and breathes beauty back into the broken places. 

“Let the ruins come to life in the beauty of Your name.. I will love You forever, and forever I’ll sing.” 

I’ll sing my love even in the midst of the fire. And I’ll keep singing my love as I watch the broken places of my life become beautiful again – no, never by my own strength but by His. 

Don’t you see? There is One who fights for us still. We can walk through anything despite our weakness. Anything. Because our hope is not in ourselves but in the One who is greater. 

And at the end of ourselves is where He begins. 

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Consecration, Destiny, Eternity, Love

What Is The Point?

What if destiny isn’t a place I reach in ministry, but the journey towards the fullness of oneness with my Jesus? The fullness of my heart in love, devotion, intimacy and obedience? 

Is there any other way to life? Certainly not. All else is but a shadow to this one singular pursuit. 

My heart strays often to my other lovers. Sometimes they are all I can see, and they become my reality. 

But deep down inside, I long for One above all. How can I not? He is who I was made for, and in Him I come alive the most. 

I know that this life will be one where my “yes” to the Lord will be tested over and over again. There are moments when my love for Jesus feels like a fiery flame that cannot be quenched. At other times, and this happens more than I dare to confess, my love feels so weak. I am overwhelmed by the world and I feel so incapable of holding firm to the resolves that I make during moments of heightened passion. If not for the Divine Grace that holds on to me I would have given up and fallen away a long long time ago. 

Yet, it is worth declaring that through these highs and lows that I swing back and forth from, my heart for Him remains true. My love for Him has always, always been real, even in the moments when I am the weakest. I am not ashamed to say so because there is no lie in my words. 

And so over and over again I will come in humility and sing, even when my heart is so broken and all I can offer is the small hidden part of it that has pledged everlasting love to Him. 

This is the pilgrimage of my heart and the destiny of my life. This journey is one that I will give myself to for the rest my days, no matter how many times I break and fall. I know that one day it will be fulfilled in all entirety when I see – face to face – my Lord shining before me in all Glory, Beauty and Light. 

“All things were created through Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist.”

“For of Him and through Him and to Him are all things, to whom be glory forever. Amen.”

‭‭Romans 11:36 // Colossians‬ ‭1:16-17

Jesus is the point of my life.

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Eternity, Grace, Intimacy, Longing, Love, Pain, Process, Trials, Wilderness, Worship

Broken Love

Why life? Why all this clutter and noise and tension? Why not zoom straight to heaven and be in unhindered intimacy with Jesus? Why is all this necessary? 

So we can turn our eyes up to Him and love Him even in the midst of all of it. To offer up to Him the sweet offering of a love that is broken and pure. To choose Him, over and over again, in the midst of everything else. 

“My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭51:17‬ ‭

I know one day I will love You fully with no hindrance. But all my days here on this side of eternity, let me love You, even in my weak flesh. Your grace will cover and see my broken love as beautiful. 

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Bridal Paradigm, Love, The Church

Loving the Church

“O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, In the secret places of the cliff, Let me see your face, Let me hear your voice; For your voice is sweet, And your face is lovely.” (‭Song of Solomon‬ ‭2‬:‭14‬ NKJV)

My heart fills with delight when I see people, young and old, sing to Him and encounter Him. I love to see the divine exchange take place between God and man. I love the context of the local church, because it creates a space for people from all walks of life to come and encounter His heart. It seems weak to the natural eye, but the Church has always been His chosen vessel. She may be flawed, but He loves to reveal Himself as glorious through the weak things.

Jesus loves His Church, and I do too.

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Musings, Worship

Of Weakness

I do not pretend to be strong, or to have it all together. I am weak and imperfect, and of this I am painfully aware of. Eloquent speech I do not have, nor do I possess the natural charm and charisma that exudes effortlessly for some. Left on my own, I have nothing much to show of myself. Not much talent, nor capability, nor strength, wisdom and awareness. If it is true that we have this treasure in jars of clay then perhaps I may be counted amongst the most fragile.

There was a time when I despised my helplessness and vulnerability. I wanted to be hard and strong. I wondered at the marvelous way some seemed to always hold it all together. So mighty. So admirable, so capable. Why was it the closer I walked with Him, the more stripped I felt? Why is my heart becoming more raw and vulnerable by the day? What has become of my security and my safety? How will I fend for myself? … And what then, do I have to offer?

I still do not understand. Most days, I still feel very weak and helpless.

//

But oh, this I do have.
Real love.

So if I must remain broken, let me be broken at the feet of Jesus. If I must be weak, let me be weak, so He can be seen all the stronger. Let me get out of the way, so that Jesus may be put on display. Let all who look upon me see not me, for there is nothing much to see, but Him.

Let the perfume of this little broken life cause all to stop and stare upon the One whom it is being poured out like a sacrificial drink offering on.

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Grace, Intimacy, Musings, Prayer, Trials, Wilderness

Bruised Reed

A bruised reed He will not break, and a faintly burning wick He will not quench. (‭Isaiah‬ ‭42‬:‭3‬ ESV)

God does not despise weakness. It is the very nature of His heart to shelter it. It is so, so safe to come to Him in our frailty. He will not turn us away in our brokenness and neediness. He will not turn us away in our weak small love and in our feeble attempts at loving Him. He welcomes us into His strength and covers us in our weakness. A bruised reed He will not break, a faintly burning wick He will not quench, and a little frail heart He will never, ever turn away. 

I love His ways, they’re so kind. He is an amazing Papa.

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