Hope, Musings, Pain

I Trust You Father

What if? Very rarely do we ever find out what if. All we can do is to keep our heads up and keep on walking. Trusting that every turn, every wrong decision, every mistake, will all eventually come together into something far more beautiful than what we could have ever come up with on our own. 

Why did things have to happen the way they did? Should I have known better? Done it all differently? What if? What if? I have so many unanswered questions that tinge my heart with sadness, but I will learn to make peace with them. This must be what surrender looks like.

God I know You make all things beautiful even when I don’t understand. What’s ahead will be worth it all.

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Consecration, Destiny, Grace, Longing, Musings, Pain, Prayer, Process, Trials, Wilderness

Safe, Or Right?

When it comes to process, I’ll be the first one to confess how much I hate it. But I think only when He tests your heart can you truly see what’s on the inside. There are things that you discover in the waiting and in the stretching that you wouldn’t have grapsed otherwise.

Over the past few months the Lord has been testing my heart and I am realizing that what is comfortable and easy isn’t always right. All around me I am presented with options that, if I decide to choose, would allow me to be set for life. I see these options, and I realize that there is an easy life available to me if I want it. It is entirely within my reach and it will be a life crafted by my own hands.

But I don’t want that! I don’t want a life of my own making. I want a life crafted by Him.

There is a such tempting to choose the safe, to choose the comfortable. And although that would look like a life of abundance on the outside, I know with all my heart that it will be a lesser life. Although it would look like a life of prosperity to everyone else, it is, in reality, utter poverty because it will be settling for less than what He has dreamed of in His heart for me. I don’t think my heart would be able to bear that kind of holy dissatisfaction. Certainly it is a wretched way to live, even though all my needs will be taken care of on the outside. I can’t!

Yet I am so aware right now that if I go His way and forsake my own, it would look utterly ridiculous on the outside. It would go against every norm and tradition, and I am not sure if I will ever be able to turn back. But how can I tell Him that I surrender if I am unwilling to let go of my own need for control and allow Him to take the wheel?

So I take a deep breath and I willingly choose to step into the water, because that is where I see Him standing and calling. Will I sink? Will I swim? I don’t know. And that frightens me. So much!
But better to step out of my boat into the waves where He is, than to hide inside luxury and comfort all the days of my life where He is not. A risk it may be, but please let me never exalt my need for comfort over Him!

I know this – there is nothing outside the will of God that I want, no matter how comfortable or lovely looking. I want the fullness of a life lived inside His will, even if it tears me from my safe little cocoon. Even if it makes no sense at all.

What if is a question I never want to have to ponder. I embrace You Lord and all Your beautiful ways, even if it makes me look like a fool.

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Destiny, Longing, Prayer, Purpose, Wilderness

Breathe Darling, Breathe

Today I’m holding on to this. I love the familiar, I love the knowing, and stepping out of my little boat into the unknown can be so frightening. But better to brave the waves with Him than to spend my entire life hiding in the comfortable. What if? What if? I never want to be haunted by those two words. Let me be brave enough to pursue the dreams He has placed inside my heart. Let me trust the heart of a good, good Father who will take care of me as I go about His will.

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