Musings, Poetry, Words

Ache

there are nights

i feel everything so deeply 

beauty, love, loss and sadness 

and my soul wells up and pours itself out through my eyes 

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Consecration, Process, Trials, Wilderness

I do believe, please help my unbelief.

I miss the days of simple faith. Everything is so much easier when you “just believe”. So much more beautiful. 

How I envy those who have not gone through the fires of doubt. 

Here I stand now in these fires. They lick and eat away at me from every side. Will I come out unscathed and stronger, or will they burn me away to waste? 

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Love, Musings, Poetry, Words

A Short Story

“You are like a dancing dream, full of bright lights and colors and explosion. I could watch you all day and when you speak I never want to stop listening. You make me fall in love without even trying, and you don’t even know it.” 

I wrote this ages ago. I never share little pieces like in the moment – it feels too vulnerable. But when it has all passed and when my heart has settled.. the stories become easier to tell. 

He made such a mark on my heart. It was a very brief and fragile time, but I catch myself missing it every single day. 

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Pain

Lost // Gentle Bones

I can’t seem to find my way back home

The same path took me somewhere I didn’t know

Is this the part where I give up and die?

For they either had me rid of or denied

For when I shout I start to mumble 

All these words stuck in my mouth

I see help arrive but I can’t do a thing

And with the heat I start to tremble and the air’s lost in my lungs

While I can’t seem to break a single sweat

Is this where I wanna be, is this where I wanna sleep

Being lost in isolation and defeat

Do I have nowhere else to go, or is there somewhere I don’t know of

Would you take me away from this please?

Faces changing, everything’s not right

How could I have let this chance slip by

Well it’s that day that comes again, and we see nothing in the rain

And my head’s in the clouds the whole night

This ain’t the end my mother said

For life is too short as it is

But I bear in mind that we are all that we need to be, to be complete

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Pain, Process

Enough. 

Today, somebody – a father figure – gave me permission to let go. I didn’t know just how much I needed that until I heard it coming from his lips. What a relief it was, after all this time, to finally be allowed to.

The expectations of other people can sometimes be such a cruel thing. So beyond the “shoulds” and the “shouldn’ts”, I’m taking back my own damn life. 

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